Feb 1, 2011

Dear Mr. Hipster in MiniVan That Decided Stop Signs Don’t Apply to Him,

Thanks for making me have to slam on my breaks & almost donut. That was super fun. I’ve been meaning to become better acquainted with that ditch. I’m sorry I missed the memo that going “cheers” with your Starbuck’s Venti at someone you could have killed meant “I’m sorry.” Hopefully my finger didn’t throw you off. I also apologize for lilest yelling “WE DON’T HAVE A STOP SIGN, YOU DO YOU CREEPOID!!! EVEN I CAN READ STOP!! S-T-O-P YOU (mommy how do you spell creep!?!?)!!!!!!” Kids these days. Hope you have a swell day!

<3,
Me

P.S. As I am aware of the fact you live in my subdivision, you may want to pick up a protective cup. YOU KNOW WHY!

P.P.S. Your stupid soul patch is crooked. I know, straight lines are tough.

It’s been two weeks now. Two weeks since I went public with part of the saga that was UberDork Cafe and Rock the LAN. You know, it’s not even right to say that. There are some people who I am proud to call my friends that are affiliated with Rock the LAN. None of that, of any of this, was ever their fault. No, it’s just one person. One man, responsible for it all.

I didn’t want to do it. I begged for him to come forward with very simple requests. I told him he was backing me into a corner I hated being in. That didn’t matter to him.

So, I came forward. People involved with and people that ordered the calendar had every right to know. Since he refused to give me the means to contact anyone privately, I had to do so publicly. I did so politely. I kept everything strictly to the calendar and didn’t name any specific name.

When I did, his reaction was to accuse me of “dividing a community with malice and drama.” Because of who I am, that got to me. He knows me well enough to know that it would. There’s not a malicious cell in my being. I stand up for what I believe in, I stand up for people I care about, I stand up for the amazing community I am proud to be a part of, I am not quiet when I see things that are wrong. There is a HUGE difference between being feisty (in the spirited, plucky, spunky kind of way) and being spiteful. And as far as drama goes, I am certainly not one to start or perpetuate it.

And so I have sat here for the last week wondering what to do about this whole mess. ALL of it. The calendar is just one facet of it. His statement of accusation was followed by telling me if I “persist” he would “retaliate.” That he had “been nice to this point, but no longer.” I allowed him to paralyze me with this.

I’m just a dorky gal with a dream of opening up a cafe. A physical destination where my community can hang out and be themselves. Come in, grab a bite, game with your friends, your family, new people, by yourself. Check out the webcomic kiosk and find some new favorites. Check out the geeky goods kiosk and find some wonderful new things for yourself or others. Take classes, learn new things, have parties, meetings. A place our community can call home. A place our community deserves. Yes, it was me wanting a place for my girls and I to hang out that started this crazy dream. But, it is OUR dream. Our revolution. We are here and we are proud.

It is that fact that I’ve had made very clear to me recently. This is not just about what has been done to me, but to the community. To all the people that have believed in this enough to donate items for auction, buy T shirts, buy calendars. To all the people that helped spread the word so others would do that. To all the people that said “I want one of these here!” To all the people that are following the growth of this dream in hope.

Regardless of what he chooses to do, he will not stop this dream from happening. Period.

But, it’s time the whole truth comes out. While some people have received refunds for things, there are still many I suspect that haven’t. That don’t even know what has happened. They all just wanted to support the dream. I have had people say “I ordered an UberDork Cafe T Shirt months ago and when it didn’t come, I just thought of it as a donation toward the cafe.” Which is so amazing to me that their belief in this was so strong they also went silent. The thing is, the cafe has never seen any of the money.

Nope. Not one cent. Justin Hurst is in sole possession of EVERYTHING. Everything that has been donated for auction. Any money that was paid for T shirts or calendars that hasn’t been refunded, all in his possession. Repeated requests have been made for months for financial statements, for spreadsheets on all the auction items, for spreadsheets on names and contact information for all those that have ordered anything UberDork Cafe-related. Nothing. No way for me to make sure that things get made right.

The statement he issued on the Rock The LAN site claimed “we will however not be refunding the customers that have already started receiving the first group of shirts that have been shipped that will have to be taken up with the crew from the Café (you will be able to reach them at the UberDorkCafe.com.)” Yet, the “crew from the Cafe” have absolutely no information on how many shirts that includes, who ordered them so we can contact them and make sure they actually received them and we sure don’t have any money from any of them. Considering in an email from Justin dated January 7th he stated “we now have confirmation of over 500 shirts purchased from RTL being delivered and the rest are in route”, well that’s quite A LOT.

That statement on Rock the LAN was quite interesting for me to read in general. Even more interesting that any comments made on it were deleted. If “we” (and, again, it’s pretty much just Justin as he made sure contact regarding the dealings with the Cafe and Rock the LAN occurred only with him) supported the cafe SO much as the statement said, than why have the requests continued to be ignored? I know people get busy, I know that he has some things going on in his life that is his own business. I also know that he will pull it out to use to defend his actions. Which, would be believable if he hasn’t been spending hours on conference calls and such trying to recruit new writers for the site. Yes, he has a site, a business to maintain. But, if there is time for that, there is time to forward the financials and spreadsheets he claims to already have. There is time to call UPS and ship off all the auction items. There is time to make things right.

Come to think of it, that statement on Rock the LAN was all “we” and “our.” That’s a lot to place on the staff of Rock the LAN whom were only privy to whatever it is he chose to tell them. I stepped up and claimed my responsibility in this. I made a huge mistake in trusting someone I thought was a friend and cared for this community. I believed that everything he told me was true. That he would follow through on all the promises that he made. I repeatedly gave him the benefit of the doubt when he failed to follow through on things. That is all on me. And it breaks my heart. But, I’ll be damned if I sit back and allow it to continue. I refuse to not do everything within my power and right to try to correct the wrongs that have been done.

What has been done is not even remotely close to “nice to this point.” I am certain that I will get a threat of coming after me for defamation of character. But, defamation of character is defined as “ false and unprivileged spoken words or written publication.” False is the key term here. I have stuck completely to the truth. Truth that can easily be backed up by texts, emails, notes from our weekly meetings that occurred every Tuesday night at 9pm central time via Skype and action item documents that were generated as a result of all those meetings.

Besides having truth on my side, I have faith. Faith in my community. Faith in that you all know me. Know that I am far from malicious, not trying to invoke drama but to make things right and to keep them from happening again.

So, my dear friends, I need your help. I need you to help me get word to EVERYONE that donated auction items, bought T Shirts, calendars, had ANY transaction with Justin Hurst and/or Rock the LAN for ANYTHING related to UberDork Cafe. If you are one of those people, PLEASE contact me directly at Natali@UberDorkCafe.com.

It is my intent to get this whole mess sorted, the wrongs righted, as quickly as possible so it’s back to onward and upward with UberDork Cafe. Thank you all so very much for the support, the love. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. I’m just gonna have to huggle you all one day. 🙂

Now let’s go REALLY build a better dream!! 🙂

It started with a tweet from @shimmer418. A little thing called #BoobieWed. What is #BoobieWed? It’s a group of women that have made it a mission to raise breast cancer awareness across Twitter, Facebook and Myspace by reminding men and women to self examine. Every Wednesday a sea of supporters change their avatars to show their support. Having lost my aunt Carol, my first official partner in crime, to breast cancer, this hit home. Early detection may have saved her life.

That one tweet led to a cathartic post. A declaration “Yup, I’ve Got Boobies.” And ultimately, my polka dotted bra clad breasts went up on Twitter for my little group of followers to see. The reaction was mixed to say the least. But, as soon as that post went up, my awesome tribe of geek girls responded with an outpouring of love and support that went beyond just RT’s. That’s how we roll. One makes a stand, we stand behind her.

We come in all shapes and sizes, each one of them gorgeous in their own right. We cover every spectrum you could declare geeky and we do it proudly.

We are strong. We are geek. We have boobies. We use our powers for good.

And I am so proud to announce that we have banded together to create a project for the cause.

Announcing The #BoobieWed Epic Geek Girls Edition Calendar!

Complete With:
Over a year’s worth of awesome women proudly displaying their geek and their girlie.
Monthly reminders to self examine
Major (and not so major) Con dates printed right on it

Featuring:
Amy Ratcliffe
Carie Small
Chelsie Tinordi
Geek Girl Diva
Jennie Zells
Jessie Gurd
Kara Evans
Katie Doyle
Kristin Reilly– Geek Girls Network
Lisa Manglass
Maria Palafox
Natali Heuss– Uber Dork Cafe
Nicole Wakelin
Ruth LoveCraft

Why This Calendar is so Important and What Your Purchase Means:

There are more than 250,000 women living in this country that were diagnosed with breast cancer under that age of 40. That does not account for the thousands that did not detect it early enough and lost their battles with breast cancer as a result.

The strongest weapon in beating breast cancer is early detection. That is the fuel behind this project- driving home the importance of it and reminding women (and yes men) to check their breasts regularly and remind those in their life to do so as well.

A portion of the proceeds of all Calendar sales will go to the following organizations:

The Young Survival Coalition: YSC works with survivors, caregivers and the medical, research, advocacy and legislative communities to increase the quality and quantity of life for women diagnosed with breast cancer ages 40 and under.

Feel Your Boobies: FYB is a breast cancer non-profit organization whose mission is to create an annual reminder campaign that utilizes unexpected and unconventional methods to remind young women to “feel their boobies”.

Remember #BoobiesAreStrongerThanTheForce But they still need to be checked.

Ready to purchase your copies? Click here!

Give the Epic Gift That Keeps On Giving.

It is almost complete. A shakabuku is no good if you fail to follow through with it. Although by definition it alters your reality so following through on it kind of becomes an instinct. Still, we instinctually tend to shy away from things that are difficult emotionally. I sat down last night and this morning and completed a HUGE step for me. The M.O.M.
 
Monkey Operations Manual

So what is the M.O.M? And why so hard? 

Long story shortish, I’m a single mom. The girls and I left when they were very young and for all the right reasons. Even so, it wasn’t easy. Eldest remembers the way I was treated by the ex and it has stuck with her and we’ve worked on that. Lilest seems to have been too little to remember, but I still wonder. Their dad is still a part of their lives and that is a whole other story. Suffice it to say, his way of parenting and my way of parenting are VASTLY different. He is all discipline (on the rather extreme side of it at that) and little love. I’m all love and have been lacking in the discipline department.

In my head, I was providing balance. But, the scale has been very far out of whack. The result- yes, they may fear him in many ways, but they also respect and listen to him. With me- they love the mess out of me, but they don’t always respect and listen to me. Lilest especially. And it has gotten more and more obvious. I have made steps, but they have been babysteps.

I have the same issues with wanting to help, putting them first and boundaries when it comes to them. And I’m their PARENT. It’s not right. I need to fully lead by example or they are going to grow up and my incorrect attempt to provide them with a “healthy” environment is going to end up leading to very unhealthy issues in their lives. The old cycle I attempted to break is going to be replaced with a new cycle that, quite frankly, is no prettier.

In understanding my issues and the roots of all of them, I can now clearly see how to change this all for the better. I know my girls better than anyone else. They are really great kids, don’t get me wrong. I will be the first to totally gush about how awesome they are. But, no one is perfect and while that is okay, it’s up to me to help them be the best “me”s that they can be.

So, I have taken my new found clarity and have devised a plan. A manual even.

New House Rules
New Behavioral Charts
New Disciplinary Structures
New Tighter Routines

We have had rules, we have had routines, we have had some sense of structure. But, no where near what it needs to have been. Now it will be clearly laid out in a way they will both understand and be a true balance of discipline and love. Okay, so the love may eek out just a bit higher than the discipline. I am who I am. 🙂

And Santa is going to back me up with gifts to help all of us stick to it. 🙂

Tonight a new Monkey Order begins. The M.O.M will prevail.

Some people may call it a lesson learned.  But, this is more of a epiphany or shakabuku. Either way, what started as a slow discovery has hit hard. You know when you know something but it doesn’t quite sink in to your bones far enough for it to be a permanent part of you? Well, that moment that it gets engrained, burned into your psyche, that’s the important stuffs. Combine it with when you realize what you truly need to do with that and make the commitment to do so and you got yourself a shakabuku. (I like shakabuku because it’s so fun to say. )

Often times we accept things about ourselves and that’s that. Sometimes we really need to understand the why, the how and the impact that these things have on us and those around us or that are an important part of our lives.  Take it back to the root and then keep digging. Why keep digging? You can pluck something out that you don’t like about yourself and replant something new there. But, sometimes the roots of it are really good, they actually just need to be stronger. So, ya gotta dig, ya dig?  

There have been a few events lately that have built up to all of this. When I needed to, I lacked the ability to really explain myself properly. Rather than having the sense to say “I don’t know, let me figure it out please” I stumbled through what I thought it was. Describing a sort of reflex I’d somewhat gotten accustomed to as being part of me. A reflex that I now realize that wasn’t truly a bad thing, but also wasn’t a good thing either. Kind of one of those “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions” things.  I don’t want that anymore. Ever. 

I am the first one to freely admit I am flawed and proclaim myself forever a work in progress. There are no perfect people in this world, but I should constantly strive to be the best me that I can be. I’ve clearly been slacking on that. It was staring at the aftermath of the aforementioned events that it all hit me. 

Some basic truths about me:

1. I truly love to help other people. It’s not motivated in any way by wanting people to like me or wanting anything at all in return. The reason is a two-parter.  The first one being that I have been through some pretty rough situations in my life and many of them I did so on my own. While I appreciate the strength that it has given me, a part of me has wanted to do what I could to make sure others had help when faced with something, be it good or bad, that they needed help with. The second being that I really believe we are all on this crazy, wonderful ride called life together and should cut each other some slack and lend a hand when able. When people ask for help, 99% of the time, my reaction is one of those reflexes I have- I say yes and run full force into helping them out. Like an excited puppy dog.  

2. I have a propensity of putting everyone else first. Being a giver is a part of me that I’ve always been proud of. When it comes to needs, wants, desires, time, what have you- I will put someone else’s before mine far too often.  Again, reflex. 

3. I have difficulty setting and keeping boundaries. I’ve worked on this and have gotten a lot better on it, but I still have so far to go. If someone crosses a line when it comes to someone I care about, I can fiercely defend that boundary for them. In a heartbeat. But, I fail to apply that to myself far too often. Someone will test a boundary and now there are times where I can point out the boundary and mark it out for them. “Don’t cross here please.”  Then I inevitably feel bad when they are being nice and allow them to put their toe on that line again.  It’s even worse when they are friends. I’ve tried to get better at that,  but I still have issues completely severing unhealthy friendships. 

When you combine these three together, while I’ve always believed they are good traits to have, they can lead to a lot of problems. 

The problem with reflexes is this- while they can be life saving if they are healthy reflexes, they have the ability to do the opposite when they are not healthy ones. As I stare at that dreaded aftermath, it is far too obvious the damage that can truly be done. 

In the past, the biggest detriment of these reflexes was I’d get completely burnt out and/or get my feelings hurt. Well, when you look at all three of them and the thought processes I had been using, it all came down to – well it was just me being affected by being burnt out or hurt so that’s not that bad. Right? Sooooo wrong. Even if it is just me, those in my life that care about me are affected no matter what. I don’t want to see someone I care about burnt out or hurt. It’s time I accept that others may not want to see me that way either. 

When an excited puppy takes off running, they trip, they fall, they knock things over,  they see a shiny and start running in a new direction which means accidentally forgetting the original direction and sometimes they flat-out run right into traffic. Whether they mean to or not, they can leave quite the path of destruction behind them.  

It’s time for me to learn to take a deep breath, calm the fuck down and think things through THOROUGHLY.  How will this affect me? How will it affect those closest to me? 

It’s okay to put me first. In fact, if I want to keep the things I like about me, keep those most important to me in my life, I have to. I am no good to anyone a stressed out, burnt out ball of hurt. I may be good at hiding it, but that doesn’t last long. And I’m definitely no good to those I care about if my reflexes hurt them. 

It’s okay for me to say no. I’ve been good at it when it is something that affects my core values, well my values need to start with me valuing me a lot more. It’s okay to completely end relationships, friendships, what have you when they are not healthy. It’s okay and important for me to explain myself clearly to them as to what they are doing, how they are affecting me and that if they continue to do so that I can no longer continue to have them in my life. I will never like hurting someone else’s feelings (and I do believe that has always been the big factor- not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings) but I can’t keep putting other people’s feelings before mine. My feelings should be just as important to me.  

This has been a lot for me to digest and really hard for me to openly declare. Balancing my new found me-ness is going to be a bit of a learning process. I will inevitably stumble and trip and may still take off running all excited at times. While I am strengthening these roots, this flower is going to be a bit wonky. Okay, more wonky than usual.  This flower will always be flawed. And that’s okay. But, in the end, it will still be even stronger and more beautiful. 

When you look at it from afar- life really is a garden and in it, we are all flowers. Each one of us beautifully flawed in our own way. 

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” ~ The Dad in Juno 🙂

I am having one of those days.

Now, I’m willing to bet that your first thought was “oh yeah it’s Monday” or “awww that sucks.” But, I’m not talking about one of THOSE days.

Don’t get me wrong, the calendar says it’s Monday, the monkeys managed to bust out mad karate moves on each other this morning, fight over the Wii remote (she that controls the remote rules the Netflix streaming) and we barely got eldest to school on time. Laundry mountain is close to having snow covered peaks. The thousands of emails I have in my inbox (literally and I’m so not proud of that number) that I need to get to and handle scare me, my plate is beyond full and if I pause long enough, I’m sure the feeling of overwhelmedness will start to creep in. I’ve been giving my To Do the list the stink eye for a while now as I fight to catch up on being sick for 6+ weeks and all I really want to do today is drive around and huggle people that I have not seen or talked to enough in far too long. Standard crazy, somewhat stressful morning.

You know what though? It’s a freakin awesome day. Why? Because we have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge and the monkeys and I love the mess out of each other. I’m pursuing my dream and there are people in my life that remind me how much I mean to them. Those that are on my huggle hit list know that I love them and get what I have been through and that I would be all up on them in full on huggle more often if I could. I guess simply put, I have amazing people in my life that love me despite of (and sometimes because of) my many flaws.

N O T H I N G. E L S E. M A T T E RS .

And all of this means that I’m back. I am back to 110% Natali again. Still a bit run down but OMG it feels SO FREAKIN good.

Honey, I’m hoooooooome. 🙂

I know I’m a neurotic mom. I try to hide it well. Sometimes I’m really good at that, other times not so much. Now, I’m not saying if I ran with every neurotic thought that runs screaming into my noggin that my monkeys would end up living in plastic bubbles. Even I will admit I’m not THAT bad. Besides, I couldn’t really fit those in my highest safety rating family vehicle.

The monkeys are now 6 and almost 5 and rather bright lil girls. I know they need the room to start exhibiting some independence and I’ve been working on that. I’m all about it at home and in controlled environments and had been really proud about branching out. Over the summer I began to allow them to go into public bathrooms on their own. Meaning, I stand right outside the main bathroom door and they go in together, do what they need to do and come out. Until this past Tuesday, I thought this was a great way for them to feel like big girls and still remain safe.

I think it will be a long time before I do that again.

It started with a text from my sister shortly after 6:00pm. She’d ventured to Hobby Lobby and was texting me pictures of all the Christmas stuff they had up. When my alert went off again, expected to see a giant fur-trimmed, bright pink leopard prin stocking. Instead I received franticness. One of those brief moments that occurs that makes you question humanity. Or am I making too much out of it?

Here are the details:

She walked into the clearly labelled ladies room. Straight ahead was the open door to the handicapped stall, so she went in. Standing in the stall was a man peeing. If it were me, I’d have probably gasped and started apologizing. She just quietly backed out (thinking “oh shit I walked in the mens room!”) and went to find a male employee to tell him about the incident.
Now, there are some understandable reasons this may occur. Say, if it were a bar or there was a mental/cognitive handicap of some sort. Unfortunately neither of these were true. In fact this man actually worked for Hobby Lobby in loss prevention. Not only that, it’s his moonlighting job so-to-speak. His real job? Local law enforcement.

So…

A sober, male law enforcement agent walks into a clearly labelled women’s bathroom in a very family-orientated craft store in which he actually works IN LOSS PREVENTION (read he needs to know that store inside and out) and proceeds to leave the door completely open while he whips it out to pee. My almost 5 and 6 year old know the difference between the mens and womens bathrooms. They also know to close and lock the door when they are in a stall.

His response when confronted by my sister and the male employee “I thought I heard someone walk in.” That’s it. No “omg, I’m so sorry, I have no idea how that happened.” No remorse. No apology.

There is nothing in this that tells me this was just an accident. And it beyond creeps me out. I know that if I had been there and the girls had to tinkle, I would have let them go in while I stood outside the door. They would have gone straight to that stall because they could both go in it together. And they would have seen a grown man with his penis in his hand. They would have screamed, I would have run in and that guy would have been knocked the truck out by me. Forget the junkpunch. I would have been in full on mama bear mode. It would not have been pretty.

Am I overreacting? Is the neurotic in me running amuck? Do you think this was just some accident?

HELP! 🙂

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

Okay, so it’s not really summer and it was far from a vacation. Maybe “Fun with Numbers” would have been a better title. Don’t worry, there will NOT be a quiz at the end of this. Whatever the title, the last 6-7 weeks have been a string of unpleasant adjectives like insane, draining, depressing, scary, confusing, painful. There have also been some very awesome moments too. Moments that have kept me from completely losing it. From losing me. I’ve been in this almost animated coma, like a lil zombie Natali. And whenever I had glimpses of me snapping out of it, I would get dragged back into it. One word I don’t use too often is hate. But I HATE not feeling like myself. Now that I’ve said that, I’m going to turn around and do something NonNatali. That’s right, instead of some long babbling post that gives you a big blow by blow of the last several weeks, I’m going to boil it down to basic facts. Facts that I realized this weekend as Zombie Natali started packing her bags.

In the last (we’ll just round it to 7) seven weeks I have:

Seen 4 different specialists and 2 different general practitioners

Had 3 trips to the hospital, 2 to urgent care, 2 to regularly scheduled doctor appointments.

Been on 7 different antibiotics- one that I found out the hard way I am VERY allergic to, one that was via shot in the booty which I understand they deemed necessary, but totally hurt like Hell and I am currently still on a 2 antibiotic combo cocktail now and for the next 4 days.

Gone through an entire bottle of calamine lotion and benadryl (see aforementioned allergy comment), 2 bottles of different narcotic based syrup thingies (I know that’s super technical and they weren’t nearly as fun as they sound), 3 different pain killers (sadly one was prescribed so that I could actually swallow the antibiotic without crying because my throat scared the doctor), 2 bottles of Ibuprofen, 1 bottle of Tylenol, 1 box of Sudafed, 1 1/2 boxes of Hojicha, 1/2 a box of this really nasty “cold repair” tea, 12 quarts of Cherry Pomegranate “Immunity” Crystal Light, a vast array of ramen and soup and I’m sure a bunch of other things I’m forgetting.

Faced the “c word”, “a really wicked case of the flu you poor thing”, strep throat, “at this point I’m suspecting a combination of things including walking pneumonia” and a couple of other lovely diagnoses. By the way, the people at my lovely urgent care here do NOT think it’s funny when you say “I’m fairly certain I may have the plague.” I thought the plague went out with like scurvy, but I guess it’s still around. And it triggers words like “Department of Public Health” and “HAZMAT.”

Had needles and scalpels accost me, fluids pulled out and pumped in. I like my fluids, I think I have them for a reason. I do NOT like scalpels. They are not very friendly.

Through all of this, I was under the delusion I was holding it all together somewhat. It seemed like every time I was finally starting to feel like myself again, something else would hit me. I managed to hold off the really nasty stuff until the weekends I did not have the monkeys. Until this past Monday. It would seem that the powers that be felt I needed to be knocked on my ass once and for all. So, enter 102.9 temp (which is more like 104 for someone whose “normal” temp is 97.3 ) , a nurse with a very, very large needle, another round of antibiotics and me literally just sleeping. For like a week. I barely remember packing eldest’s lunch for her everyday before my dad came to take her to school, but I guess I did. I missed my weekly UDC meeting and The Power Geeks Podcast. I pretty much just slept curled in a ball under 2 down comforters for days. I’ve slept more in the last week than I think I’ve slept in a year. Yet, I’m still tired. Go figure 🙂

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and I miss me. I know I say I’m just Natali, but I’m the only Natali I have. When she disappears, it kinda sucks.

But, I feel her coming back. Friday night she came by for a very nice visit.

Then Saturday she stayed and played for awhile. My sister had called and basically told me it was time I got out of the house and she felt like a mini road trip. Of course it was already almost 7:30pm but she said the magic word- sushi. You see WISN, a local station does an “A list” every year of all the “best of…” I had peeked at it not long ago and was surprised that some little hole in the wall place in Kenosha took best of sushi. Now, you have to be from around here to kind of get the perplexity that out of all the great sushi restaurants in Milwaukee, some really upscale, and a lil place in Kenowhere takes it. So, we hauled on down to Soon’s Sushi Cafe and O M Freaking G. From the outside you think “no way this place has great anything,” Okay, even when you walk in, it’s not even remotely fancy. We were the only people there as they were closing at 9:30. I still don’t understand how the place wasn’t packed. The whole experience was bliss. It started with a green tea tini (so I maybe shouldn’t have had alcohol) and a giant plate of amazing sweet potato tempura. They specially made it all sweet potato for us and didn’t charge any extra. At $4.50 it was a total steal too. We then ordered a Spider Roll (an old fave of mine I hadn’t had in ages) and a Playboy Roll. I’m telling you this right now- it’s called the Playboy Roll because it makes love to your mouth. It was seriously the best roll of any kind I’ve ever had. Our waitress was awesome and her and I babbled away about… COMICS!! And the upcoming Green Lantern and SuperMan movies and the atrocity of the new Wonder Woman outfit and storyline. Then, the owner/head chef Soon came over. I wanted to put her in my pocket and take her home with me. Not only is she a phenomenal chef, but she is so sweet. Plus, even though she is actually from Korea, I got to actually converse in Japanese with her. It felt so good. Then, Brandy (You’re a fine girl) came on the radio. It was the chosen karaoke song of my really good friend Bob. It was the 5 year anniversary of his death recently. A death I’ve never really gotten over yet. But, that’s a whole other post. It just felt good to hear it. Our waitress then told us that little Soon is actually 72!! I’m telling you, she could make a fortune off those carnies that are supposed to guess your age cuz there is no way she looks even close to that. The food was great, the people there (Soon’s husband came by and chatted with us for quite a while too) rocked. I swear I’d drive down there again in a heartbeat than go to most of the trendy places around Milwaukee for sushi again. It is very much worth the trip. When we left, Soon kept bowing and said “Arigatou! Sayonara! Oyasuminasai!” and then giggle happily when I said “Matane!” 🙂

That night did me so much good. On the way home, we stopped by the hilariously odd place I spotted on the way there. It was called “Cafe de Lube” and no, it’s not a porn shop. It’s an oil change center and “coffee cafe” all in one. Complete with a drive thru and a sign boasting a huge discount for “recycling” electronic cigarettes there. It’s several blocks down from Tacos To Go that proudly serves “Mexican Egg Rolls” and “Italian Beef Burritos.” I now love you Kenosha. You make me smile.

It feels weird to interact with people now. I’ve lost touch with so many over the last several weeks. There have been some that have stuck with me through it all, repeatedly checking in on me. My inbox scares me more than ever now. I need to go through it. So, in the off chance you’re reading this and have sent me anything, I promise I’m getting to it! 🙂

I am now hopefully way on the way to being fully mended, trying to not freak out and become crippled with overwhelmedness (I think I just made that word up) about all the things on my plate at the moment and hoping Natali sticks around for awhile. 🙂

And that, my dears, is what I did on my summer vacation. Not even a new tan to brag about. 🙂

I am sitting here at Intervention (Con not the show where someone is ending up in rehab) surrounded by some amazing talent and amazing people. Yet another congregation of people that get each other on some level even though they’ve never met. It’s so inspiring.

While I am still refraining from naming the names of the companies that decided they did not want to be “associated” with the words dork, geek or nerd, I don’t think I’m done with them yet. I still have a message to send them. Well, we have a message to send them. It’s a simple message really. In fact, we’ve been doing it all along.

We are who we are and we’re damn proud of it.

We’re not going to hide it anymore. We’re not going to try to fit into someone else’s mold or idea of who we should be.

Geek is gorgeous. Nerd is not negative. Dork is divine. Gnork is awesome cubed.

We have taken those terms that may have once been attempts at insult and we have fully embraced them and made them our own. We wear them proudly.

So how do we get the message to companies like that? How do we make our stand?

A friend’s answer to that? Oprah. That would totally work. You know who it made me think of though? E L L E N. Now, I have an immense respect for Oprah and what she’s accomplished. But I love Ellen. She is a giant ball of awesome that is definitely on my “Peeps I Want To Huggle Someday List.” I think if anyone gets embracing being quirky and different than the mainstream it’s definitely Ellen. She’s bravely looked peeps in the face and said “I am who I am” for years now.

I think Ellen would help us. Help us get UberDork Cafe and the message of gnork pride and gnork community out there for all to see. Whatdya think peeps? Do you think we can get Ellen on board? There’s only one way to find out. Let’s give it a shot.

Click here and fill out the form to tell Ellen you wanna see UberDork Cafe on the show!!

Some other great ways to help get the word out and get Ellen to notice:

Tweet “Hey @TheEllenShow! I wanna see @UberDorkGirlie & UberDork Cafe on!!”

Tweet the link out to your followers.

Share this on your Facebook page.

Tattoo it on your forehead and… wait no, that’s a bit much. 🙂

I know we can do this. I have faith in my community and faith in Ellen.

GNORKS UNITE!!!!!

For this last week and a half or so I have been pretty sick. After finally getting antibiotics for it, I ended up breaking out in hives from head to toe from them. My hives had hives. Soooo not attractive. Soooo not comfortable. I had hit the brick wall of burnt out.

Until last night.

I’m still wiped and still dealing with health issues, but it’s time to pick up the #truthbat again. This time, surprisingly, for the cafe. For everyone that believes in it.

You see, I have a weekly conference call every Tuesday night for the UberDork Cafe. I look forward to them for many reasons. What I learned last night floored me. Saddened me. When the shock of it all wore off, it downright pissed me off.

I’ve always proudly embraced the titles geek, nerd, dork. One of the many amazing lessons that I have learned on this incredible journey of UberDork Cafe is that us gnorks still tend to hide who we are. Stay in our lil corners of the online world and don’t tend to venture beyond that. Part of the whole goal of the cafe has been to give us a place to go to. To branch out from those corners. To give our future gnorks a place to go to meet others and to actually be able to comfortably be themselves in a place within the community, the real life community. To teach them and us that we don’t need to hide who we are. There is no shame in being geeks, nerds, dorks.

Last night I realized I might be wrong.

It might not be a fluke that there is nothing really like the UberDork Cafe out there. The fact that we tend to hide may not really be our fault. It seems others are more comfortable when we are contained to online. We may come out if we must, but we shall not refer to ourselves as dorks, or geeks or nerds. It makes others uncomfortable it seems.

Last night I was informed that major corporate sponsors of the first auction completely backed out. Why? Well, during initial contact the full name UberDork Cafe was used. From that point on it was shortened to UDC or “the cafe.” Then they got the press kit yesterday. These major corporations then stated that I would need to change the name of the cafe for them to follow through with sponsoring. Yup. They don’t like “dork.” And yeah, don’t try to replace it with nerd or geek either. Those simply won’t do as well. One of these major corporations makes a great deal of money off of us gnorks as well.

My response? (Ok, well the edited version, I won’t lie, there was A LOT of cussing on my behalf initially.)

Dear Giant Corporate People,

Shame on you. Shame on you for so very many reasons. For thinking you could just buy a name. For thinking you have that sort of power over people still. For thinking that us dorks, us nerds, us geeks are that weak that we would hide who we are, change who we are to suit your comfort. For being more than willing to take our money as long as we remain safely tucked away from view and deny who we are. For thinking that you somehow own us. For thinking that in this day and age discrimination is ok, as long as it has a price tag on it. For thinking that I am the type of person that is going to just roll over, change my entire character and teach my children that it is acceptable to allow a company, or even a person, to force you to change your name, your character, or who you are for them.

Allow me to enlighten you. Dork, nerd, geek… in your feeble minds may be words that show weakness or less than desirable characteristics. I hate to break this to you, but the term “corporate” invokes far worse feelings amongst a vastly wider population of people. People that span all age levels, races, income brackets, you name it. Do you know why that is? Because of things like this. Because you still live under the antiquated notion that bigger is always better. That money will buy you anything, anyone. I hate to break it to you, but it really doesn’t. In fact, it won’t even buy you one lil ole dork.

I’m not for sale. My children’s dream is not for sale. My friends, my family, the people that support this dream, that support the UberDork Cafe are not for sale.

And we certainly aren’t going anywhere. If anything, you’ve just made us a bit louder. A bit more present.

Thanks so much for reinforcing the need for the UberDork Cafe. Your shameful behavior has made my mission that much stronger.

Have a wonderful day!

Sincerely,
Natali
Proudly known as UberDork Girlie