We are now home from our annual Easter brunch at my parent’s house. The monkey’s fave Easter basket item? Yoda kites. I popped our dinner in the oven and the girls began to argue which Star Wars movie we are going to watch.

I should prelude this with the fact that they are 5 & 6 now but have been Star Wars fans since they were 2 & 3. I should also mention that as soon as we got home, lilest stripped off the dress so her half of the debate was argued wearing only her underwear.

I love my little geeklings and am frequently in awe of them when they get in uber geek mode. Fighting they do frequently. They flat out throw down like boys. Then two minutes later are smooching on each other and cooing about how they are bestest friends ever. But, every once in a while an actual debate occurs. Tonight is one of those nights.

For some reason, Revenge of the Sith has always been one of eldest’s favorites. Which doesn’t make any sense to me. She LOVES Anakin. Before it sunk in that it wasn’t really possible, she vowed to one day marry him. You’d think that Attack of the Clones would be her favorite then. Why the one where he turns to the dark side and gets his ass handed to him by Obi Wan? Yet it is. It also happens to be my least favorite of all of them. I understand it is necessary, but it’s all so sad. In fact, given that she is inherited my upset at movies that make me sad and habit of turning them off if they make me cry, I would think she would also find this the least favorite. But, whatever the reason, it’s her go to when we talk the new movies vs the classics.

Lilest is a girl after my own heart. She’s all about the classics. Of them, Return of the Jedi is frequently the one that she pushes for. She also HATES Revenge of the Sith.

And so the debate began.

Eldest declares her choice of Revenge of the Sith. Lilest shoots her down. Her argument is simple- it’s too dark, too scary, too sad. Eldest counters with the necessity of it in the total story line and then busts out comparing it to the story of Easter- Anakin dies. He is resurrected as Vader. Lilest throws her a complete curve ball with Return of the Jedi being much more Easter-like because Vader dies and Anakin is resurrected and redeemed. Eldest counters that Anakin flat out dies then, therefore it is not a story of resurrection. Lilest counters with the fact that Revenge of the Sith ends with Vader being created, but ends with that. There is no “character development of him at that point.” Eldest replies “well played, but Anakin still dies in Jedi.” Lilest “Oh really? Because I’m fairly certain that those that are strong with the Force never truly die and he does appear at the closing of the movie along with Obi Wan and Yoda.” Eldest’s retort? “That’s it, there is only one way to solve this- to the light sabers!”

So which one are we watching?

The Princess Bride.

Yup, they decided that fighting wasn’t the answer, it’s Spring Break so we should just pull a full on Star Wars marathon from start to finish instead.

I can hang with that.

I know I’m far from a traditional mom. I do things way differently than most moms do. In fact, other moms at eldest’s school and their old day care love to point that out to me. It just makes me smile. The one thing that I am traditional in, in a way that moms SHOULD be, is the mama bear effect. Yeah, I’m fiercely protective of my monkeys. I try to keep it in check though.

Having said all that, while I’m proud of the mother I am, I try not to judge others on their parenting. We all know that they don’t pop out holding an instruction manual or a flash drive with a pdf of one. The basics of raising children are easy though. It’s not rocket science. You keep them safe and show them all the love you can. When I see those basic truths not being upheld, that’s when I get mad.

So, today I had to run in to Walgreen’s really quickly. Lilest and I pull in. It takes me a bit to answer a couple of texts I got while driving. Maybe 5 minutes after parking, we get out and trek on in. While walking past this giant new Lexus SUV that had been parked and running kitty corner in front of us, I notice two things. 1. It’s unlocked and there’s no one in the front. B. There is a roughly 2 year old alone in a car seat in the back. That last one made me take a couple of steps back and actually look into the windows to make sure I was seeing right. Yup. Alone. *eye twitch*

We go in, grab my nail polish, stand in line, wait for the check out lady and the woman ahead of us to stop coffee clutching, pay for it and wander back out.

And the Lexus is still there.

Still running.

Lil guy still in there all alone.

As I get in my car, my mind struggles. Yes, this is the burbs. But, it’s unlocked. Keys in and running. With child. The mere thought of what could happen terrifies me. But, is it rational? I know there is NO WAY IN HELL I would EVER do that. Jinkies, lilest is over twice that child’s age and in she went with me. So I sit and I think. Lilest asks me why we aren’t driving yet and I explain to her what is going through my head. Then, she hits me with logic- “Mommy, you always stand up for what you feel is right. And you always say sometimes we need to be the voice for people who can’t use theirs.” Grrrr. What to do? Going in means the possibility of a very less than pleasant exchange with the driver/mom/dad/babysitter/guardian/what have you. The kind where people get to swinging. Yet I can’t just drive away and be wondering if that little boy is okay. I can sit here and wait for the person to come out and keep an eye on the vehicle. But, what happens when they go to the next place and do the same thing? Will someone watch it then? Will that little boy be okay?

So, I called the non emergency number for our police department and I told them the situation. Left it in their hands. And drove away hoping that the little boy would be okay, knowing they were at least on their way.

Did I do the right thing? I’m still not sure. I kinda hope whoever it is was in there buying some birth control. All I wanted was some nail polish.

Feb 28, 2011

Dear Mr. Hipster in MiniVan That Decided Stop Signs STILL Don’t Apply to Him,

It’s very sweet that you clearly have a desire to ram your large vehicle into me. Most men would start with dinner, but not you. You go the extra 30 mph, throw caution to the wind and laugh in the face of traffic signs just to get to me. As we begun our usual dance of me blaring my horn at you and you lifting your Starbucks Venti Whatever to salute me, don’t think I didn’t notice that this time you added a wink. And the smirk when lilest rolled down the window and screamed “I KNOW HOW TO SPELL CREEP NOW YOU BIG ILLITERATE JERK!!” was oh so charming. Well until it turned to confusion when eldest rolled hers down and said “YOU DON’T EVEN NEED TO BE ABLE TO READ!! THE SHAPE AND COLOR IS UNIVERSAL FOR A REASON!! YOU MUST HAVE CHEATED ON THE TEST!!!”

But, my favorite look of yours was the sweet look of slight terror when we followed you to your house and all honked, smiled and waved. Yes, we now know exactly where you live. So, I’ll stop by and say hi when I want to see you again. No one likes a pushy guy. Play a little hard to get from now on please.

Or else. My YOU KNOW WHY is soooooo ready.

<3,
Me

P.S. Your stupid soul patch is still crooked. Only now in the other direction. That takes talent.

Feb 1, 2011

Dear Mr. Hipster in MiniVan That Decided Stop Signs Don’t Apply to Him,

Thanks for making me have to slam on my breaks & almost donut. That was super fun. I’ve been meaning to become better acquainted with that ditch. I’m sorry I missed the memo that going “cheers” with your Starbuck’s Venti at someone you could have killed meant “I’m sorry.” Hopefully my finger didn’t throw you off. I also apologize for lilest yelling “WE DON’T HAVE A STOP SIGN, YOU DO YOU CREEPOID!!! EVEN I CAN READ STOP!! S-T-O-P YOU (mommy how do you spell creep!?!?)!!!!!!” Kids these days. Hope you have a swell day!

<3,
Me

P.S. As I am aware of the fact you live in my subdivision, you may want to pick up a protective cup. YOU KNOW WHY!

P.P.S. Your stupid soul patch is crooked. I know, straight lines are tough.

It is almost complete. A shakabuku is no good if you fail to follow through with it. Although by definition it alters your reality so following through on it kind of becomes an instinct. Still, we instinctually tend to shy away from things that are difficult emotionally. I sat down last night and this morning and completed a HUGE step for me. The M.O.M.
 
Monkey Operations Manual

So what is the M.O.M? And why so hard? 

Long story shortish, I’m a single mom. The girls and I left when they were very young and for all the right reasons. Even so, it wasn’t easy. Eldest remembers the way I was treated by the ex and it has stuck with her and we’ve worked on that. Lilest seems to have been too little to remember, but I still wonder. Their dad is still a part of their lives and that is a whole other story. Suffice it to say, his way of parenting and my way of parenting are VASTLY different. He is all discipline (on the rather extreme side of it at that) and little love. I’m all love and have been lacking in the discipline department.

In my head, I was providing balance. But, the scale has been very far out of whack. The result- yes, they may fear him in many ways, but they also respect and listen to him. With me- they love the mess out of me, but they don’t always respect and listen to me. Lilest especially. And it has gotten more and more obvious. I have made steps, but they have been babysteps.

I have the same issues with wanting to help, putting them first and boundaries when it comes to them. And I’m their PARENT. It’s not right. I need to fully lead by example or they are going to grow up and my incorrect attempt to provide them with a “healthy” environment is going to end up leading to very unhealthy issues in their lives. The old cycle I attempted to break is going to be replaced with a new cycle that, quite frankly, is no prettier.

In understanding my issues and the roots of all of them, I can now clearly see how to change this all for the better. I know my girls better than anyone else. They are really great kids, don’t get me wrong. I will be the first to totally gush about how awesome they are. But, no one is perfect and while that is okay, it’s up to me to help them be the best “me”s that they can be.

So, I have taken my new found clarity and have devised a plan. A manual even.

New House Rules
New Behavioral Charts
New Disciplinary Structures
New Tighter Routines

We have had rules, we have had routines, we have had some sense of structure. But, no where near what it needs to have been. Now it will be clearly laid out in a way they will both understand and be a true balance of discipline and love. Okay, so the love may eek out just a bit higher than the discipline. I am who I am. 🙂

And Santa is going to back me up with gifts to help all of us stick to it. 🙂

Tonight a new Monkey Order begins. The M.O.M will prevail.

I am having one of those days.

Now, I’m willing to bet that your first thought was “oh yeah it’s Monday” or “awww that sucks.” But, I’m not talking about one of THOSE days.

Don’t get me wrong, the calendar says it’s Monday, the monkeys managed to bust out mad karate moves on each other this morning, fight over the Wii remote (she that controls the remote rules the Netflix streaming) and we barely got eldest to school on time. Laundry mountain is close to having snow covered peaks. The thousands of emails I have in my inbox (literally and I’m so not proud of that number) that I need to get to and handle scare me, my plate is beyond full and if I pause long enough, I’m sure the feeling of overwhelmedness will start to creep in. I’ve been giving my To Do the list the stink eye for a while now as I fight to catch up on being sick for 6+ weeks and all I really want to do today is drive around and huggle people that I have not seen or talked to enough in far too long. Standard crazy, somewhat stressful morning.

You know what though? It’s a freakin awesome day. Why? Because we have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge and the monkeys and I love the mess out of each other. I’m pursuing my dream and there are people in my life that remind me how much I mean to them. Those that are on my huggle hit list know that I love them and get what I have been through and that I would be all up on them in full on huggle more often if I could. I guess simply put, I have amazing people in my life that love me despite of (and sometimes because of) my many flaws.

N O T H I N G. E L S E. M A T T E RS .

And all of this means that I’m back. I am back to 110% Natali again. Still a bit run down but OMG it feels SO FREAKIN good.

Honey, I’m hoooooooome. 🙂

If physical structures could be built on love alone, there would be a string of UberDork Cafes open all across this world by now. Open, bustling and radiating more #GeekLove. I don’t know that I will ever be able to find the exact words to describe all the emotions this journey has conjured up.

What has started as my crazy lil idea to create a place for my daughters and my community has turned into so much more. Part of me would like to print out the Kickstarter Project pages, the comments, the statistics, every tweet, every amazing blog post, every kind word of support and encouragement and show it to the world. I would say “Look! Look at what this community is capable of! Look at the love! Look at the support! Look at all of these amazing people! Look at what you’ve overlooked! What you have underestimated!!” It is not just the group of people that has been overlooked and underestimated, it’s the power of love, the power of community.

The very thing that UberDork Cafe will exist to nurture, to support and to encourage.

From Apple’s “Think Different” to Einstein’s “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. “ to Yoda’s “Do or do not, there is not try” – these things have shaped who I am in life. Who a lot of us are. They are concepts sadly often drowned out by media, by peers encouraging conformity while growing up, by adults that don’t get it staring down noses and speaking of “the right way” to do things.

This is my way of helping cease that. Media will still be media, peers will still be peers, adults will still be adults. But, we will all have a place to go, our future will have a place to go, that encourages us to simply be us. To embrace who we are, to let it hang out, to help our youth navigate through to be proud of who they are and confident in pursuing their true goals in life. The things that make us all happy.

There are just two weeks left now. Because of all of you I have made my goal. Which I am beyond grateful for. Part of me feels greedy to ask for more. But all of the voices that have come forth with “If only I had a place like this when I was growing up” and “I really need a place like this near me” make me want this open tomorrow. And those that have said “I have been scared to go for my dream for so long, but you have inspired me to go back to it and really pursue it” make me want it open yesterday. The simple fact is to make this happen as quickly as possible, I still need your help, your support. We are currently at $6130 with two more weeks to go. Just imagine what we can do in two more weeks!! Can we reach 200 backers?? $8,000?? Can we blow this completely out of the water?? I think we can!

I can not tell you how excited I will be the day I can stand up inside of the finished, open UberDork Cafe and say:

“Look what WE did!!”

If you’ve been following along, or know me at all, you know that the Wall of Love is going to be my absolute favorite part of this whole place. I will hug it every day and may the Force be with anyone who tries to deface it.

So, from a place for my daughters to go and a community to be nurtured and hope to be given, this has turned into the physical representation of what a community can do when they believe in something, when they believe in themselves.

To those that don’t believe, well my girls and I proudly stick our tongues out at you, wrinkle our noses and then smile and wave are lil geek/nerd/dork flags. And we are honored to have an entire community standing behind us doing the same.

“Life’s like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending. “ ~Jim
Henson

To join the lovers, the dreamers, the community, click here to visit the Kickstarter Project Page.

My monkeys are getting soft… and they’re taking me down with them.

The fact that my girls could quote Star Wars at two and three years old didn’t surprise any of my friends and family. The shocker was they did it wearing pink.

“I thought you hated pink.”

Pink does indeed make my right eye twitch in many of its applications. The only proven documented cases of me donning pink are my sister’s wedding from Hell (think pink meets Carmen Miranda) and medicinally. I have the distinct pleasure of being allergic to mosquitoes and yet living in a place that jokes they are the state bird. Thanks to those lil bloodsucking bastards and Calamine lotion, every summer I turn into a pale pink spotted leper. My theory on the whole pink thing with my daughters is this- just because I have issues with the color doesn’t mean I’m gonna impose my view or distaste of it on them. I want them to be their own lil people and if that means them liking pink, so be it.

Alright, look, I was totally hoping they’d take after me. They had me pretty convinced I was in the clear for a while here too. Pink was a passing phase. Purple, red and black have replaced it.

But I am far from out of the woods.

I know my name has girlie in it. True to form, I am quirky with my girlie-ness. People have been known to receive surprise packages of homemade daisy sugar cookies lovingly decorated with M&Ms. But, eldest’s last birthday cake request turned out to be a life size Yoda. Which I blissfully tackled creating new cuss words as I built him. I’m almost always seen wearing lipstick. Yet the makeup and hair product department scares the complete shit out of me. Last year I am proud to say I learned how to put on eye shadow for the first time. Figured one day I may need to teach the monkeys that. Hairspray, however, is still a complete mystery to me beyond a fixative for charcoal drawings and a make shift self-defense device. You never know when an Aqua Net flame-thrower may come in handy ya know. I’m girlie on some levels, others not so much.

I had a close call last year when my phone rang at 7:15am on Black Friday. Panic ensued when a woman who is like a sister to me uttered ”Look bitch, my nieces are getting Barbies this year and that’s that. Suck it up.” And they did. It was less than a week later I got the joy of calling her and saying “Guess what hooker- your youngest niece just popped the head off her Barbie and chucked it at her sister. And she did the same back. That’s right, Barbie head fight all up in here.” Whew.

Still not out of the woods.

Last week during our drive home, eldest monkey was talking like 93mph about her day. Then gasps. “Oh my gosh mommy, I totally forgot to tell you- J CALLED ME HIS BFF TODAY!!” My brain so hadn’t processed yet and before I knew it I was all “Oh my gosh that is like way awesome.” And then she was all “Do you know what a BFF is? “ And I was all “Duh, it’s totally Best Friends Forever.” And then she was all “Wow. Mommy you are like so totally awesomesauce.” Then a voice of logic from within bitchslapped my neurons back into place. WHAAAA?? She’s only 5! I had visions of a 13 year old having body snatched my kid. And me for that matter!!! That night we had a “Goonies” intervention. Had to be done.

But it started to sink in. She’s growing up. They are growing up. And being exposed to BFF’s and lip gloss. I know girls will be girls. The dresses and skirts don’t bother me at all. I can even live with the fake plastic my first hooker heel dress up shoes they clomp around in. Well, until I step on a stray one. Them suckers hurt. The first rock star they met in person wasn’t someone from a Disney show, it was Maynard from Tool & Puscifer. They don’t want ballet lessons, they want to go to “Kung Fu School.” It’s been balancing out, but I’m scared of the scale tipping. Too soon! Not ready. There’s not nearly enough saved up in the therapy fund yet.

And then there was this Wednesday night. What started out like a normal Monkey Family Movie Night, quickly downward spiraled. Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakquel was harmless the first time we watched it. This time, it changed. While Simon is still their favorite, my safe lil balance was thrown way off. Thanks to those lil Chimpettes. Monkey Family Movie Night turned into me learning the words to some “you’re hot and your cold…. you’re yes and you’re no” song and Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.” Not just the words, oh no, we went further down the rabbit hole than that. To sum it up, a knock on the door from the neighbor girls later and I had a room full of lil girls and somehow I was choreographing our own routines to the songs.

I am not ashamed to say I had fun. Their giggling is infectious. And it’s my favorite sound in the world.

But, I’m scared. I’m scared of that scale getting tipped long term to all that is pink and plastic and Barbie. To stereotypes and living up to peers’ expectations instead of being true to themselves and who they really want to be. They are my daughters though. I have faith they will settle into their own quirky girlie-nesses. Proud to be girls. Knowing that being soft doesn’t mean you aren’t strong. That having boobs doesn’t mean you don’t have brains. That life is a continual learning process and someday their daughters may teach them as they continue to teach me.

The next day eldest’s class went to the book fair they have going on at her school. She was given an envelope of money from me and told she could buy anything she wanted with that money. There was only one requirement- it had to be something SHE wanted. Not what she thought I would want, or her sister would want, or her BFF would want. What SHE wanted.

And this is what she came home with.

Obi-Wan, you are my hope.

It amazes me how alike and yet how different my monkeys are. They are both undeniably my daughters in so very many ways. Personality-wise, there is almost nothing of their father in them. Trust me, that’s not a bad thing.

Both are strong and feisty in their own right. Lilest is my rebel, bold and proud of who she is and will defend herself and her sister in less than a heartbeat. Eldest monkey is equally proud of who she is, will womp an army if they even look at her sister cross-eyed, but will not stand up for herself. Both willing to bend, to change, to break for no one. Yet one remains silent when faced with someone who feels it is okay to diminish her feelings or bully her. She will merely stand silent and take it. I used to think she had inherited the trait from me. I will take a lot of shit from people before I finally say I’ve had enough and snap. Mess with someone I love though and it’s on like Donkey Kong. And over before you know it.

Yesterday, I realized I was wrong.

Eldest came home from school Monday and told me one of her classmates (I’m gonna refer to him as Eddie, cuz I swear he’s the bastard son of Eddie Haskel) pushed her at recess. Huge step for her. I asked to her tell me what happened. Turns out Eddie kept telling her to kiss another male classmate (Eldest’s BFF actually) and she refused to. So the little shit pushed her. Each time she said no to giving BFF a smooch, Eddie would push her down. When I asked her what she did, she replied “I just kept getting up.” When I asked her why she didn’t go get one of the teachers at recess, she said she didn’t want to be a “tattle tale.” Grrr… the guidance counselor had talked to them last week about “tattle tales.” One of the guidelines to when you should tell was only if someone was getting hurt. In Eldest’s head, she wasn’t physically hurt from the push, therefore she shouldn’t tell. Good job guidance counselor.

So we had a chat. I explained right off the bat that NO ONE has the right to hurt or to push her. That just because the push wasn’t physically hurting her, it still hurt her feelings and her feelings were even more important than her body to some extent. A scraped knee heals quicker sometimes.

We formulated a plan.

First push- she points at him and in the biggest voice she has says “NO! Eddie that is NOT OKAY! You do NOT have the right to push me!” Even if he stops, she tells her teacher what happened.

Second push- she goes to get a teacher.

If he tries to push her or stop her in any way from getting a teacher, I told her to push his ass back. That’s right. This is a point I would end up fighting with her teacher on. My point, bottom line- my children will know that if ANYONE tries to physically restrain them from getting help, they have the RIGHT to physically defend themselves. Period. Cuz one day it may not be lil Eddie. It may be someone bigger and far more dangerous. So, yeah, kick his lil ass monkey.

Tuesday she comes home. And yup, Eddie pushed her again. She stuck her finger out and she stated her case. Then he pushed her again. Then she forgot what number two was. So, we went over it again. I also made it clear that while I wanted her to address this with her teacher and would giver her the opportunity to do so, that I as going to step in if it happened again. On the way to school Wednesday, we went through the steps again. This time at recess she forgot all of them. So, yesterday morning I stepped in.

And then it hit me. It wasn’t that Eldest had inherited this trait from me. She had LEARNED it from me. It was all my fault.

This week there has been a situation going on in my life that has echoed some things that have happened to me in the past. Wednesday night I had made the realization that I was allowing myself to react to them in a similar way as I had and it bothered me. I had made a plan to change that. While writing Eldest’s teacher, the realization beat me over the head that some of her earliest memories of me are what has caused her to be the way she is right now.

While Eldest monkey was only two and a half when I finally got the courage to end my marriage, she was a very smart two and a half. And she remembers it quite clearly. In fact, no one is allowed to use the word stupid around me because of that. You see I say my ex was an asshole of epic proportions. What I have yet to mention is that he was a huge bully and incredibly abusive. One of his favorite things to do was invent new ways to call me stupid. “What did you eat a big fucking bowl of stupid for breakfast?” Despite that fact that I worked full time and did literally everything around the house, “useless bitch” was one of his favorite pet names. He couldn’t even wake up for work on his own, I was his “alarm clock” and he was a mean man in the morning. If he was late, it was my fault. Everything was my fault. I will spare you all the gory details.

He was constantly yelling and screaming at me and in my defensive mode, I kept thinking “don’t fight back.” At the time, in my head, I didn’t want the girls to see us fighting. I thought if I just stood there and took it, it would end quicker. And it chipped away at me day by day. Little by little I began to lose who I was. Something I’d swore I’d never do. Then one day Eldest came into the kitchen and says “Mommy, what’s that noise?” I say “It’s daddy, he’s home and outside snowblowing the driveway.” She FREAKED. Eldest became hysterical and yelled “I DON’T WANT DADDY TO BE HOME!! I HATE IT WHEN HE’S HOME MOMMY!!” And that was it. It took a couple more weeks for me to formulate a safe “escape plan” and get him out of the house.
But in my attempt to shield them from giant, ugly and potentially very frightening , violent fights, I had taught Eldest that it was okay to take that. It was okay to allow someone to treat her that way. To bully her. To not stand up for herself.

And you have no idea how much it hurts to know I have done that.

So, I have a brand new plan. It is up to me to lead by example. To be the change. To end the cycle. To stand up for myself. To acknowledge when people are treating me in a way I do not deserve and to vocalize it and back it up with actions. To cut ties with those that feel it is okay to bully me. To diminish my feelings. Or use me as an ego boost when no one else is paying them attention. Those that are used to getting away with things because I allow them to.

One of our Monkey Family Rules is “If you’re having a bad day, you can still turn it around. You can take a deep breath, a step back and yell ‘FLIP IT!’ And start it over and do it right.”

I am using my “FLIP IT!”

I genuinely love this time of year. Like mad, crazy love it. For sooo very many reasons. The snow. The mistletoe. The twinkling lights. The little old ladies with obnoxious sweaters that play jingle bells and ho ho ho at you. The cocoa. The giant catalogue of music devoted to it. The old school, new school, cheesy as all get out Christmas programs. Most of all, I love the love. The spirit of giving that commercialism and society has done it’s best to bastardize. I refuse to allow them to ruin it for me and everyone that I come in contact with. Yes, I am the woman that smiles and says “Happy Holidays!” to everyone. With all honesty, I confess that if any one of the mythical wish granting creatures came to me and said “You have one wish, anything you want, what’s it gonna be girlie?” I would say “I wish that on Christmas morning everyone on this planet, everywhere, no matter what faith they embrace, no matter what beliefs they hold dear, no matter how naughty or nice they are, would wake up and find the one thing that would make them truly happy wrapped with a pretty bow waiting just for them.

All of this should be all year round though. Ok, maybe not the snow. But, that love. That feeling of genuine good will toward others that this time of year reminds us all is so important. Yup, the love. I so wish that would remain all the days of the year.

If you know me at all, you know that our lil monkey family motto is “We’re all about the love.” Not just love for each other, but love for everyone else. So, this is our time of year so to speak. All year long we give love to those whose paths cross ours, but this time of year, people are much more receptive to it. The monkeys have fully embraced the mission and are so good at it. They love to smile at everyone and yell “Happy Holidays!!” And it never fails to bring a smile. Their absolute favorite thing to do though, is accost every bell ringer, every red bucket keeper. My laundry quarter supply has already long been exhausted and if they even remotely see a single in my wallet, they claim it. When they are done gleefully putting whatever I have in the bucket, they always hug the person with the bell, thank them and give them the big ole “happy holidays.” I love that about them. Of course this means that I need to really start budgeting for a “bucket fund” every year now, but where it goes, what it does and the monkey cry “MOMMMMMY THERE’S A BUCKET!!!!” is so worth it.

Even though I love all of this, it’s not easy. There are days when I have to struggle to feel it. To remember why it’s so important. The motto exists, in part, not just to teach them an important life lesson, but to remind myself as well. In some ways, I am selflishly creating my own little cheerleaders.

One of the reasons it’s not easy is I’m waging this lil happy love war on my own. When I say I’m a single mom, I mean single. Their father is an ass of epic proportions and for many reasons. He sees them four days a month at most. Of course he made it a point to have joint custody on paper so he wouldn’t have to pay child support. He’s yet to actual uphold the “joint” in any way, shape or form. In fact, he doesn’t even talk to them the weeks in between visits. All of that I just can’t fathom at all. But, every time he breaks a promise, every time he takes them for a weekend and ignores them while they are there, every time one has a birthday and he completely fails to acknowledge it, it’s me that has to make up for it. To try to explain to them that it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love them. They’re getting smarter too and it’s becoming so much harder to come up with answers. All I can do is do the best that I can and try not to remember that they deserve so much more. Ironically I am like the Grinch. My little Cindy Loos look at me and sweetly say “Why are you taking our Christmas tree, why?” And I attempt to cleverly spit out a convincing reason they will buy, knowing in my heart, it may not be right.

This is something I know I am not alone in. Not even close. This time of year is said to be for the children. Those of us, no matter what our circumstances are, with children want to make it the most magical time ever for them. The pressures of life as an adult don’t go away at all so we can do so. In fact, sometimes they are more glaringly obvious this time of year. Whether it’s broken relationships, financial stress, that pang of hurt that loved ones lost are not around to celebrate with you or any of the myriad of struggles we are all facing in this crazy thing called life, this time of year can amplify them. So we bobble back and forth and sometimes just fight to keep our heads above water some days. Which makes that little smile, that little “Happy Holidays” so much more important.

Besides the red bucket rampage, we have developed another monkey family holiday mission. We find something to do as a family to help other people. Last year it was picking a name and item for a child in need and going shopping for it and wrapping it together. This year, I have been lucky enough to be drawn to something I feel embraces exactly what we all need this time of year. We as in not just the monkey family, but ALL of us in the area. Yup, all us lil human creatures, great and small.

I had the really good fortune recently of being introduced to an amazing woman named Bernadette Xiong, or Coach Bx as you may know her. She is all about making a difference in peoples lives and that in and of itself is a reason to love this woman. This holiday season, she has come up with an event that is a two-part bundle of wonderful. It takes place on Saturday, December 19th from 2pm-5pm and not only offers so much for those that attend, it continues to give that on to one of the amazing sponsors of the event.

It’s called “Healing Your Heart: A Hopeful Holiday Event.”

Earn a smile while giving one to a child.

Challenging finances, marriages, relationships and family are all difficult subjects to handle alone. This event will provide parents and children fun ways to heal the heart by channeling that energy through artistic and creative means including:

Arts & Crafts
Santa Claus Toy Drive for Charity
Bake Sale & Cookie Decorating
Face Painting, Balloons and Games
Complimentary Gift Wrapping for Those That Donate a Toy
Words from the Heart by Coach Bx

The sponsor I mentioned that will be receiving the toys to distribute is COA Youth and Family Centers. COA Youth & Family Centers helps Milwaukee children, teens, and families reach their greatest potential through a continuum of educational, recreational, and social work programs offered at its urban community centers and rural camp facility. They have been serving children, strengthening families and building community since 1906.

To top it all off- it’s being hosted at Independence First. Another sponsor who is making such a difference in peoples lives. Are you sensing a theme here? IndependenceFirst is a non-profit agency directed by, and for the benefit of, persons with disabilities, primarily serving the four county metropolitan Milwaukee area. Their agency mission is to effectively facilitate empowerment of individuals with disabilities through:

Education, Advocacy, Independent Living Services, and Coalition Building

They promote diversity and multicultural participation in our operation and services.

The four “core” services offered are: independent living skills training, peer counseling, advocacy, and information and referral services to persons with disabilities in the counties of Waukesha, Washington, Ozaukee, and Milwaukee. IndependenceFirst provides services to persons with disabilities of ALL kinds, throughout ALL age groups.

Topping off the list of incredible sponsors is MilwaukeeMoms.com. If there is anyone that understands the good, the bad, the ugly and the bliss of being a parent, it’s MilwaukeeMoms.com. When MetroParent and MilwaukeeMoms.com say “making life just a little bit easier…” they mean it! They are a resource and fountain of sanity for moms and dads alike.

To say the monkeys and I are beyond excited to be helping out with the arts and crafts for this event is an understatement. And because we are indeed all about the love, we have a challenge for you. That’s right. We are challenging YOU. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to join us in our holiday mission this year. Be a part of something great. Any part you can. Ultimately, my hope is you will all come to this event. Stop by and FEEL the love. the healing. Give a smile. Can’t make it? Sponsor someone who can! Read this and pass it on. Follow @CoachBx. Retweet, repost, reblip. Come up with your own posts that include the links. Add the twibbon to your avatar. Use the #HealYourHeart .

I don’t ask a lot of the people around me. I’m not one of those please RT or repost all the timers. This time I am though. I really believe this is important.

So, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to show me the love. Spread it wide, spread it far. And by gosh by golly, Happy Holidays everyone!

Important links:

Space is limited for this event, so you MUST register in advance. To do so, please use this link.

If you are on Twitter- let other tweeps know you are coming! Respond to the Twitvite here.

Better yet, whether you are able to make it or not, add a Twibbon to support #HealYourHeart here.

Our lovely sponsors:

For more information on COA Youth & Family Centers, please visit their site here.

For more information on IndependenceFirst, you may visit their site here.

For more information MilwaukeeMoms.com and to help make your life a little bit easier, visit their site here.

If you have any questions, comments, concerns, witty antidotes or toys to share, please do not hesitate to contact me. You should also definitely start following @CoachBx cuz yeah, she rocks. While you’re at it, check out her site here.