*This post was originally published on my blogspot blog back in 2013(ish)

If you were with me for the last post, you got a lil introduction to my dear friend the #truthbat. You also heard tale of the things in the outside world that have driven me to the point of this giant two-part blog. Now I’m going to let you in on my inside world. If you missed the last one, let me get you up to speed right quick.

1)We as women have got to stop treating each other and OURSELVES like shit and blaming it on men. Seriously, knock both parts off! #truthbat

2)We need to put the damn Ginsu knives down, step away from all the bullshit, stop knocking each other down and start building each other up. #truthbat

C) If we fail to do this, we are dooming every lil girl in our lives. Period. #truthbat

As the events in the last post were occurring, there was a theme interwoven directly in my own life. My own relationships with women. They forced me to wield the #truthbat on myself and do some reflection as a woman. As a friend. As a mom. As me.

I’ve always known I wasn’t wired quite like other females in my life. Growing up when other girls were gossiping, primping, vying (i.e. brawling) for social status and boys’ attention, I was doing my own thang. I wore what I liked, listened to what I dug, talked to whomever I wanted to and hung with more guys than girls. Part of me has always chocked it up to being kind of different in general. I just related to guys more than girls. None of the other girls rode a skateboard or played video games, could hack a computer or really shared most of my interests. I was just me. And I still am in a lot of those ways. Not that I haven’t grown, changed, evolved. I have. But, then and now, it’s on my own terms. For me. At my hand. In my own way.

It wasn’t until I was older that I started to reflect on the confusion I face when looking at my own gender. When gossiping didn’t end. When I began to really witness the false smiles. When the females I did bond with started getting stabbed in the back by other females. I still don’t play well with others in that manner. And I’m clearly still reflecting. But now I know that I am not alone. While I still have a bunch of guy friends, I also have a bunch of pretty incredible females in my life too. Others that are also wired differently. Or are they? Is it a matter of wiring?

While on my crusade of reflection, I’ve been looking at women in my life directly, in my life via other friends and completely outside of my life. I’ve been silently watching interactions between women in stores, at functions, on Twitter, on Facebook walls and yes even on the dreaded TV. (Total random side note/question stemming from “boob-tube” as slang for TV. Why is it that boob originated in like 1905 to describe “a stupid person; a fool; a dunce” and is now used to describe our breasts as well?? Welcome to my random ponderings) In all of this, I found a big commonality. Another reason for me to be proud to be a geek girl. In a whole, I discovered a whole lot of love amongst my sisters in geekdom. Enough for me to state that I believe that, in terms of groups, geeky gals bond and support each other more than other groups. You can get several geek girls together and no drama. Are we truly wired differently? Is it because we get so excited when we encounter each other that we bond and support rather than engage territorial behavior? Don’t get me wrong, we will talk all kinds of smack against each other via Xbox Live while playing. But, when we log off, it doesn’t carry over. I have seen so much support from geek girls for other geek girls’ projects and lives in general. It makes me squee. We are, for all intents and purposes, a minority in our own lil right. We’re cool with that though. We’re cool with each other. And we support our fellow geek guys.

Alright, having said that, I need to state, we aren’t perfect. We are not superior. We have our own lil quirks. In fact, one recent incident has been gnawing at me because it doesn’t stick with my theory (ok, technically hypothesis as it can’t truly be proven).

Months and months ago there was a geek girl I started following on Twitter. I Follow Friday’d her every time I did them. I tweeted at her to engage conversation or show support of her project. After months of this I realized that not only had she never followed me back or replied to any of said tweets, she really wasn’t nice to people. So, I figured “eh, it’s just Twitter” and I unfollowed her. A few weeks went by and the path of turmoil she was creating went outside of Twitter and into people’s lives. It bothers me because it’s people I call friends, but I’m trying not to let my claws out. Yup, I have one of the traits that I have scolded other women for. #trutbat. Mine come out DEFFENSIVELY to protect those I care about or the underdog, not OFFENSIVELY to claw my way to feeling better or to a higher position. Regardless, I am still trying to use them sparingly and I totally didn’t want to start using them on another girl that waves a geek flag or shake up my lil geek girl community.

So, a couple of weeks ago I got a new geek girl follower and she’s great. When it came time to do some Follow Friday’s I used the old one from the aforementioned geek for this new one. I swear my only thought was “oh! I always liked this one, now I can use it for her!” That’s it. Nothing else occurred to me regarding it until the new girl was happy and RT’d it. And like a minute later guess who suddenly requested, after all this time, to follow me? Yup. The Aforementioned One. And I let her. Trying to be nice. Trying to give benefit of the doubt. Trying not to shake up lil community. Does she talk to me now? Yup, she’ll send me a random tweet on Friday mornings. Only on Friday mornings. Now she’s incited full-blown eye twitchage. To make matters more difficult, one of my good friends that is being affected by the Aforementioned One outside of Twitter is left in the same quandary I am. We are used to being ourselves, calling people on stuff and confronting situations head on. Yet, because it is a fellow self-proclaimed geek girl, we don’t feel like we can do that. We are forcing ourselves to smile, be polite and try to let her behavior slide. Which goes against who we are in a lot of ways. I realize the very posting of this is so passive aggressive and I’m not the passive aggressive type. Which bothers me all the more. The decision to do so comes down to two things. The first is me saying “fuck it.” If it shakes things up, it shakes things up and I accept full responsibility for everything that I’ve said here. I’m not sure what else to do and I need to just get it out. Maybe just the purge will do it good. The second is to prove an important point in this whole post- THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO EVERY RULE, EVERY THEORY. #truthbat Not every geek girl is wired the same way. Not every woman is wired the same way.

And not every exception is a bad one.

This brings me to another recent situation. We’ve all heard of the dreaded love triangle. The old scenario and it’s variations; two women fighting for same man, same man dating the same two unknowing women. Not long ago I found myself witness to a doozy of one. I lost track of how many women and the full drama that ensued, which is all unimportant. I know it sounds juicy, but I don’t dish. The reason it is here is to bring forth something that took me aback. Typically when drama of this nature goes down, the women don’t team up and go against the man (at least right away), the first reaction is to extend claws and gouge each other’s eyes out. Amidst all the craziness, all the drama, all the hurt feelings, the confusion, the gamut of emotions on all party’s parts… two unheard of things happened. The first was two separate women involved on two separate occasions uttered “This would be so much easier if you were a skanky whore, but you’re not. You’re really great” and “Wow, I gotta say I really like you. I didn’t want to, but I do.” Yup, insults didn’t fly. Eyeballs remained intact. Secondly, those two women both offered respect to another woman’s decision as to what she was going to do and what she would and would not discuss and actually followed through with the respect. And only one confirmed geek girl in the whole bunch.

We have it in us ladies. If while faced with matters of the heart, which tend to be the most sensitive of things, we can remain respectful and polite, well there’s no reason while on a day to day basis we can’t work together to move past these stereotypes that we’ve placed on each other. Yup, placed on each other. #truthbat

In my quest of reflection I have worked on who I am. Specifically who I let in my walls. This blog may make it seem like I don’t have any walls. I lay an awful lot of myself out there. But, I assure you I do. It’s a rather complex series of walls as well. Built over the years by myself, sometimes by the doing of others, sometimes by my own. There are people in my life that I like, people that I call acquaintances, people that I call friends and people that I feel a true bond with. Those that I feel the bond with are allowed access past more walls than others. For that reason, I tended to avoid bonding and I think especially women, as odd as that sounds. So, I have, in the last several months, made myself more open to possible bonds.

Out of the bonds I have made, I was wrong about only one. It’s still a hard one for me because we shared some really deep commonalities that most would never understand. Been through the same levels of Hell together. She showed me her Hell, I showed her mine. In the end though, her drive for acceptance of others, for attention from others proved the bond to be false. You have no idea how it hurt to know that I had shared so much with someone who turned around and pretty much pissed on it and bastardized it for her own benefit. You know what though? I’m ok. It didn’t kill me, it didn’t wreck me, it didn’t change me and it didn’t prevent me from bonding with or hurt the bonds that I had with some AMAZING women.

Maybe it’s not so much how we are wired. Those that are similar in me in how we treat the majority of other women, interact with them, support them, peacefully exist with them all have faced the threat of being forced into a stereotype at some point in their lives. Maybe it is a matter of embracing and being true to who we are no matter the circumstances.

These women are all very different in their own ways. If we were all standing in a group, just looking at us and our vast differences, you would wonder what the connection would be. What it comes down to is our cores. Our hearts. Our characters. And I love every one of them. We don’t talk every day, we don’t get together every week. But each one knows I am there for them and I know they are there for me. That if anything was needed the other would be there in a heartbeat. That no matter what direction our lives may take, no matter what distance lies between, no matter how long between conversations, that bond will remain intact. It’s not a forced bond, it doesn’t need to be babysat. It is nurtured naturally in its own way, it’s own pace.

They have all taught me lessons that I will forever be grateful for. Thank you will never be enough. Each has overcome very different obstacles and emerged beautiful, inspiring women. Women who lead by example.

The first woman I have ever proudly called my “BFF” (even though she’s more of a soul sister), who has the biggest, purest heart I have ever seen and we have an undying pact to lovingly whack each other with the #truthbat as needed. The saner pea in our crazy lil pod @StacySnook. She’s also the only one in my life that has truly taught me to embrace my inner girliness I have shied away from for so long.

The woman who gives herself far too little credit, is beyond real, who taught me to take risks, that dreams aren’t worth anything if you don’t work toward them and proves geek girls don’t come in one boring mold. In fact, she makes her own in so very many ways. My sexy ass sista in geekdom @KyleeLane

The woman who has helped me keep more balance in my life so far than anyone ever has, that has taught me it’s ok to take time out of life for myself to work on me, the person that encourages me regularly that being a work in progress is indeed a good thing, my voice of reason (and dorky sista from another mista) @BerniXiong

I have to admit I am in awe and so thankful for all the response and support from everyone that read the first part of this post. I hope that the second part hasn’t let ya down.

My quest shall continue. It’s legacy will hopefully live on with my girls. I hope one day they will, as @GeekWithSoul has wished for his daughter, read this and laugh about how things USED to be. That they will have pages of amazing women in their lives that also lead by example.

But this will only be if we make an effort to step up, lead by example, work toward change and gently keep each other in check when we don’t. Seriously, I may love your ass, but if you step outta line, I’m coming with the #truthbat. *mwuah*

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. While I continue to write in my journal regularly, I’ve not been good about getting it online as of late. I’ve had A LOT going through my head over the last few weeks and I need to just purge it out there so I can move on. We all need a good purging and moving on it seems.

I am a geek. I am also a nerd. A dork. A mom. A cancer patient. I am silly. I am smart. I am creative. I have blue eyes. I love wearing lipstick and painting my nails but I have no clue what blush is for. I’m pale, like albino gone wrong pale. I love to read. I love to knit. I love to create. I love cosplay. I love my geek community. All of these things, among hundreds of others, are parts of who I am. What makes me, me.

And I am sad. I am tired. I am frustrated. I am sick to death of all of the hatred out there. It has gotten to the point that I’m starting to see people I respected and admired in a whole different light. A light that I don’t like.

I am also a hypocrite.

I am a hypocrite because I am sick of seeing flaming hate blogposts and giant soapbox blogposts and calls of lynching blogposts. And yet I write a blogpost about it. But mine won’t contain hatred. And I am not on a soapbox. No pointing fingers. No sense of righteousness. Just a plea.

A plea for it all to stop.

One of the best feelings is when you say “well, (insert book/movie/super hero/you name it here) is my favorite.” And another person squees “MINE TOO!” It’s that little spark that creates a bond. When geek finds geek. That’s the stuff that BFFs are made of. I see it with my girls all of the time. Lilest’s first day of Kindergarten she wanted a PB & Banana sandwich cut out like a Millennium Falcon for lunch. When I asked her if she was sure, she replied “that is how I will know who is going to be my friend. If they know what it is, we’re BFFs.”

Since that moment, they’ve both encountered guys and girls that have called them weird for loving Star Wars. There were some rough moments, but they didn’t let it change them. They’ve gotten flack for declaring Twilight silly and offering forth Buffy as “a much better interpretation of a human and vampire love story.” But, they still stand by it. They are only 7 and 8 though and it’s going to get rougher and rougher out there for them.

Especially if they see the adults in the geek community fighting and divided. We are better than this. I’ve seen it. I have seen the incredible things we can accomplish when we work together. When we cheer each other on and support each other. When we don’t shun each other and throw steaming balls of hatred over a disagreement.

We are all human and won’t see eye to eye all the time. That’s normal. But, it’s how we handle the fact that we disagree that matters. If someone doesn’t believe you are a “real geek,” oh well. Their opinion doesn’t change who you are. It doesn’t make you any less you. There is no litmus test. There is no one person that has the right to declare that. When you start screaming back and throwing out names and “cred,” you end up sounding just as douchey.

Yes, geek girls do exist. Arguing otherwise at this point is completely and utterly ridiculous. Yes, some of them are gorgeous. Yes, some of them love to wear make up and get dressed up all of the time. Guess what? Some of us aren’t. Some of us are merely average, normal gals that sometimes get all dressed up and sometimes love to rock our geek t’s and jeans. And we’re not any less geeky for that either. Nor are we less awesome. Nor do we love our gorgeous geek sisters any less.

There IS NO STANDARD. Just like there is no one way to geek, there is no one way to look like a geek. And gals, this goes for guys too. Our fellow geek guys are amazing and a ton of them support the Hell out of us. Are we sticking up for them? Not all of them are booty photo snapping, geek girl hating misogynists.

I’ve thought a lot about it, and the ramifications of saying this (and well everything this post contains) and I decided to just get it all out. Backlash be damned. I don’t even expect many to read this.

But, I think it really needs to be said- WE HAVE BECOME OUR OWN WORST BULLIES.

I have seen it over and over. Someone says/blogs/tweets/comments something that someone is hurt/upset by. Instead of handling it like an adult and saying “hey, that hurts” or “hey, that’s not right” and countering it, a whole new blog post is written, followed by “hey look at this person said this to me” is tweeted. Then swarm of people rush to defense and go after the culprit. I am ALL FOR supporting and backing up our friends and our community. The moment we hate mob up after someone though, we are doing it wrong. We are NO BETTER. Yes, disagree. Clearly make your case. But I am seeing one incident after one incident turn into giant snowball of hatred. I’ve seen post after post pop up to cash in on the momentum of the snowball. Who is really winning? NO ONE IS.

I would like to see us all go back to the way things were. To spend FAR LESS ENERGY ON THE NEGATIVE and START APPLYING ALL THAT ENERGY ON THE POSITIVE.

Instead of writing a retort about “poser cosplayers,” let’s write posts on all the positive things cosplayers have done. I know some AMAZING men and women that volunteer their time and cosplay talents to do so much good. Instead of writing a retort about “poser geek girls” let’s write posts about all the awesome geek girls and guys out there and they projects they are working on.

Forget trolls, don’t feed the negative. If you absolutely have to, give it a giant fucking bowl of positive.

Pretty please, let’s let go of all this negativity and get back to the love. I’ll totally share my Millennium Falcon PB & Banana Sandwich with you. Well, unless you have a peanut allergy. That would be bad. <3

I was approached by a journalist from the Milwaukee Journal Tuesday regarding my submission to Common Pitch Milwaukee. This is the article she wrote wherein my quote is completely out of context and much of what I said was left out.

This post exists to set the context right.

As some of you may know, I was very excited to read about Common Pitch Milwaukee. As soon as I read on their site: “We’re on the hunt for eight promising startups working hard to redefine business in America. The best candidates will represent products or services that improve on (or completely reinvent) an existing American industry, helping to make it more sustainable, more profitable, more community oriented, more ethical – and maybe even more fun.” I knew I had to do it.

The cafe fits all of that. While the thought of getting on a stage scared the crap out of me, it’s for the dream. So, I went for it. Initially the due date was listed as the 18th. Then, all of a sudden, it got switched to the 13th. The application consisted of two small questions- 1. regarding what social impact our concept has 2. what environmental impact and then a mandatory video. I had clips of people talking about what the cafe would mean to them now or what it would have meant to them growing up. They were going to be at the end of me describing what the cafe was. With the switch in date, I had to just link the videos in separately in the “anything else you want us to know?” section and go with a video of me explaining the cafe. Here is the script I memorized for it:

“Hi, I’m Natali. Some people know me as UberDork Girlie and this is my pitch about UberDork Cafe. There will not be pie charts or a soundtrack or fancy graphics. Just a story. You see, once upon a time there was a single mom that struggled finding a place where her and her daughters could hang out. Looking for things to do during a Wisconsin winter turned depressing. Having crayons and chicken fingers doesn’t automatically make a place kid-friendly. Very few places offered classes and activities for kids and their parents to bond and those that did were outrageously expensive. So, she started thinking. What started out as creating a place for her and her daughters to hang out at ended up being the idea of a home for an entire community.

From the application, the video pitch was made out to be the main part.

Guess not. In fact, they would admit after they posted who made it through, that they never even bothered to watch the video pitches. That they had no intentions of doing so until after they had the “short list”, meaning the 8 picked.

THAT is where I became “very confused and disillusioned.”

Why would you ask for them and then not watch them? How are you going to pick from the answers of those simple questions?

I wanted to figure out what I had done wrong. What I could do differently next time. So, I went to look at the chosen 8.

First on the list- brighter12 An “online companion for working a 12 step process.” I have seen and heard of other resources for 12 steppers. I checked out the entire site to get a feel for what would make them different. Then I clicked on “our team” and there, plain as can be, under “Our Business Partners” – Spreenkler, Innovation in Milwaukee and Manifesto.

Who is presenting Common Pitch Milwaukee? Spreenkler and Innovation in Milwaukee.


Can you honestly say that you wouldn’t have thought “WTF?!?” too?

Absolutely nothing against the Rahms, at all. I applaud what they are doing. I am all for making a difficult journey easier. It did, however, answer my questions of “How is this different? Innovative? Revolutionary?”

The fact that they would pick their business honestly broke my heart a bit. These are groups that claim to exist to bring in, nurture and support people who want to open businesses that change Milwaukee for the better. Groups I was looking forward to working with in the future. Groups that involve people I had respected. Groups that didn’t even bother to watch the videos people made for their pitch. Groups that just picked their own.

That’s how it feels and it is certainly how it looks. No matter who picked the 8, (which I still have no clue, the rejection letter was from Art Milwaukee? They aren’t even on the Common Pitch Milwaukee site?) the moment that a business partner came up, something should have been said.

Then there is the fact that only 3 out of the 8 are from Milwaukee. I understand both sides of this coin. One is “Why have it here if it’s national?” One is “It gives Milwaukee more exposure.” I’m down the middle. Hell, one company is from Chile?? That certainly doesn’t fit in with “eight promising startups working hard to redefine business in America” and it’s concept is far from unique as well. But, I’m sure there is some sort of reason that it would be picked over all the entries they got. Right? Bottom line- there was a better way to achieve both.

I LOVE Milwaukee. I am all for anything that helps bring in new talent, that showcases the best we have to offer. I am far from some “MilTownHater.” (Seriously is that even a real phrase?) And I certainly did not set out to rock any sort of boat or piss anyone off.

You know what though? I know I’m not alone in this. I know there are many others that are mad as HELL about this and all that lies underneath. And let me tell you, this is all just the tip of the iceberg. There is some disturbingly dark stuff underneath all of this that just keeps going and going. Things I never wanted to know and would rather that I didn’t. But, somethings you can’t un-see or un-know. And all those people out there that are upset about this, that are feeling confused and disillusioned, they had great ideas too. Ideas that would help make Milwaukee even more awesome. But, where are they to turn now? It’s not just about not having the opportunity to pitch at this event. It’s about the whole week and the organizations involved and the feeling that this one event manages to put out there.

At the very least, you can say that this was handled REALLY poorly.

And if that pisses people off, than so be it. Ms. Gallagher already put my name out there connected to this mess, I’m gonna own up to my thoughts on it. Thoughts that may not be popular. Thoughts that have already upset people that matter far more than I do in this city.

But, just like this city that I love, they are mine.

I wish nothing but the best for all of those pitching tonight. And to the organizations that are attached to this mess. Hopefully they will find their way back to their mission statements someday. The first cup of coffee for them at the cafe is on me.

Update: “‘Our event is designed to bring attention to entrepreneurs, to celebrate entrepreneurialism and to involve the community in bringing support to people that desperately need it,’ said Carmel Hagen, Common’s chief marketing officer.”

Whether anyone wants to come forward and say it or not, this one event has done A LOT of harm to the very community this week was to be about. No matter what the groups involved and their friends will say.

No, I’m not talking about the crazy ass Beyonce that locked down a hospital when she gave birth. That Beyonce can go sit down.

Nope, I’m talking the Run This Mutha version.

I don’t typically warn people about the content of posts. My bio is pretty much my disclaimer. I’m far from a delicate flower and when the #truthbat comes out, all ladylikeness be damned. If you have gentle eyes or are fragile in any way, this may not be a good post for you. You know what, scratch that. It’s ESPECIALLY important that you read it then. Preferably with an open mind and an open heart. Attempt to let the words settle in for a bit. Stew them around. Give them a ponder. It’s good for you. I promise.

So…

Lately I’ve been waking up, seeing the news and reading things that make me question what country, what decade we live in. It’s like we’re downward spiraling backward into the dark ages. Overdramatic? No, not at all. Not when we have states deciding it’s okay for their doctors to flat out lie to their patients if they suspect what they have to say may result in the patient getting an abortion. Even if carrying to term puts the mother’s life at serious risk.

HOW THE FUCK DID THAT GET PASSED?

Or in Texas where they are forcing women who dare want an abortion to HAVE to go through a VAGINAL ultrasound. That thing is like 10” and no joke. I had to have one when pregnant with both my daughters and it sucked.

THE LAST TIME I CHECKED- FORCING AN OBJECT INTO A WOMAN’S VAGINA= RAPE. WHO THE FUCK VOTED FOR THAT!?!?

And people, in my own state for that matter, wanting to label all us single parents as potential child abusers. When I read that and listened to him speak, I lost my mind for a little bit, did some cussing and then thought “eh, that’ll never happen.”

I’m really not so sure about that anymore.

In fact, shame on me for being so passive about it. This is a matter that directly affects me. In my own state. Yet, I blew it off. I can sit here and give good reasoning- my life is stressful enough as it is and I have to actually put my health first right now. You know what though? Fuck that. Seriously. What good is my health if I end up living in a country that allows a doctor to lie to me and a label of potential child abuser to be slapped on me? How do I teach my daughters to stand up for what they believe in and use their voices if I don’t lead by example. Every law, every bill, every policy that is put into place now will affect their lives. If not today, than one day in the future. It is up to me to fight tooth and nail to make sure that I am doing everything I can to make sure they are all in their best interests.

We should ALL be fighting for what is in our best interests. Not just sitting back and allowing politicians to continue use us as pawns in their pissing contests.

Before you even try to start arguing “abortion is murder” with me, let me stop you for one quick second. That’s not what this post is about. More importantly, according to the constitution (which trumps The Bible right now in this country), it is not. End of discussion.

Before you even try to start arguing “it’s the Republicans’ fault” with me, let me stop you for one quick second. That’s not what this post is about either. More importantly, Democrats clearly didn’t stop it from happening. End of discussion.

Before you even try to start arguing “it’s all men’s fault” with me, let me stop you for one quick second. That’s not what this post is about either. More importantly, there are women that voted for this bullshit too.

In fact, women, we need to stop pointing fingers at everyone else and start pointing them at our own selves. I know, it hurts. It’s harsh, but it’s the truth.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again- if we ever put the ginsus away, stop stabbing at each other, stop blaming men for all our issues and ban together for the greater good, we would rule this nation. And things would be so much better.

Where did we go wrong? More importantly, how do we get it together and push forward?

Let’s start with loving ourselves. As is. We all have parts we want to work on, be they internal or external and I believe life should be about learning and growing. But, love the roots first.

Then let’s start loving each other. I saw the same people that bitched about Angelina needing to eat a sandwich turn around and call J Lo fat. Seriously? Neither one should be accepted. So much judgement being passed.

Let’s ban together and let our voices be heard. Allowing politicians to decide what is best for our bodies, best for our lives, without any input from us is wrong. Allowing our rights to be taken away without a fight from us is wrong.

In this fight, it doesn’t matter what you look like, where you are from, how smart you are, how rich you are how (fill in any adjective you see fit here) you are. If you are a woman- this battle pertains to you. Hell, if you love a woman, it should pertain to you too. The next woman you see, she isn’t a stranger, she isn’t the enemy… she is your sister in this fight too. Instead of silently judging her or judging yourself against her, smile.

Start opening up discussions with friends, family, coworkers, PTA, neighbors. Start talking openly about what is happening in our country. And instead of the politicians that are too busy pointing fingers, laying blame and measuring dick size, let’s actually start coming up with solutions.

“We the people” means ALL of us. Not just politicians, not just people in power. But wait- WE are the ones with the power.

WE VOTE THEM IN.

This is the United States of America, the “free world” and it is 2012 damn it. We are women, let them hear us mother fuckin ROAR.

It is time for us to REALLY Run This Mutha.

Love or hate Beyonce, her ass was right with this song. Sing it sugar.

Allow me to help you wipe it off.

I’m pretty sure you’ve heard, Amy Winehouse died yesterday at the age of 27. Now, I will be the first to admit that it wasn’t a huge shock. What was though was the level of disrespect that I witnessed surrounding it. It broke my heart and made me sick.

I’m the last person to have anything resembling celebrity worship in me. (Okay, I totally squee’d when I met Wil Wheaton, but common, it’s Wil Wheaton.) I went on a HUGE rant when I woke up the morning after the earthquakes in Haiti that affected the lives of nearly 3 million people and Lady GaGa was the top trending item on Twitter. Why? Because she was exhausted. Eat a sammich! I tell you what though, if she had died (so very much not wishing that upon her or anyone else for that matter), I would have understood why that would be everywhere.

No matter what your opinion of her, you can not deny the talent she had. She was brave and groundbreaking. She had an insanely powerful voice that was belted from a fragile, haggard looking young woman. And she had such soul. Lyrics don’t get written like hers unless you’ve been there. Songs sung from the gut like that have a trail of pain behind them. Pain that is relived every time you sing it. Sing them all back to back and it’s no wonder she had issues. Some called her a tortured soul, others a train wreck. I’d always just wanted to give her a hug and hoped she’d figure it all out.

But, she didn’t. At a mere 27 years old, she has left this world. While the reports are still out, we’re all expecting cause of death is alcohol and/or drug related. It doesn’t mean she deserved it though. It doesn’t mean that it’s okay to say horrible things.

SHE WAS A HUMAN BEING.

I saw someone ask when the news first broke if it was wrong that they secretly kind of hoped the rumors were true. ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. Others made snide comments about Amy Winehouse’s death and how now we won’t have to be burdened by watching more about what happened in Norway. (Yes, I know they were being snarky.) Really? Do you seriously believe that Amy woke up Saturday morning and said “Fuck the Norwegians, I’m gonna one up them everywhere”?!!? Joke after joke after sick joke. Bitching upon bitching at having to see Amy Winehouse “shit everywhere.”

Everyone that dies is a loss to someone. Who are we to judge that it’s otherwise?

Here’s a thought- turn off your TV, step away from your computer and take a moment to call some one you love and tell them so. Make sure they know you really mean it. No matter if we lead the life of a saint, or that of an addict, none of us are guaranteed a specific amount of time on this earth. Use it well.

I choose to use mine to see the good and worth in people. To spend time reminding the people in my life they are important to me and genuinely so in their own unique way. To try to do my best to be a good person and a decent mother.

I am by no means a saint either. I am highly flawed and a continual work in progress.

But I can look myself in the mirror.

So, just got off the phone with my mom. She called to check on how I was taking to all my lovely new meds and how the girls’ weekend went.

Then she busted out this unique gift she has. You know how people play that telephone game? My mom seriously must have screwed that game up for everyone every time she played it. This time was just classic.

Mom: “Oh! Did you hear? They confirmed Obama is dead.”
Me: “WHAT!?!??! HOLY SHIT!!!! WHO KILLED HIM!?!?!?!? WHEN!?!? WHERE!?!?!? OMG!!!!” *booting up laptop*
Mom: “Well we did of course. Long time coming too.”
Me: “WE DID WHAT!?!?!” *light bulb clicks as I realize this is my mom I’m talking to* *deep breath* “Mom, do you mean O S A M A ? As in bin Laden???”
Mom: “Oh yeah, hee hee, him.”
Me: *BIGGEST FACEPALM EVER*

I swear my sister’s years of taunting me by saying I was left in a basket on the doorstep by a bunch of gypsies and mom and dad just kept me because they felt sorry for me cuz I was ugly and all really feels like the truth sometimes. Smart gypsies. Gypsies that know the difference between Obama and Osama. My mom even voted for the guy. Obama that is. At least I hope she got it right on the ballot. If not, secret service are probably monitoring them.

I know I’m far from a traditional mom. I do things way differently than most moms do. In fact, other moms at eldest’s school and their old day care love to point that out to me. It just makes me smile. The one thing that I am traditional in, in a way that moms SHOULD be, is the mama bear effect. Yeah, I’m fiercely protective of my monkeys. I try to keep it in check though.

Having said all that, while I’m proud of the mother I am, I try not to judge others on their parenting. We all know that they don’t pop out holding an instruction manual or a flash drive with a pdf of one. The basics of raising children are easy though. It’s not rocket science. You keep them safe and show them all the love you can. When I see those basic truths not being upheld, that’s when I get mad.

So, today I had to run in to Walgreen’s really quickly. Lilest and I pull in. It takes me a bit to answer a couple of texts I got while driving. Maybe 5 minutes after parking, we get out and trek on in. While walking past this giant new Lexus SUV that had been parked and running kitty corner in front of us, I notice two things. 1. It’s unlocked and there’s no one in the front. B. There is a roughly 2 year old alone in a car seat in the back. That last one made me take a couple of steps back and actually look into the windows to make sure I was seeing right. Yup. Alone. *eye twitch*

We go in, grab my nail polish, stand in line, wait for the check out lady and the woman ahead of us to stop coffee clutching, pay for it and wander back out.

And the Lexus is still there.

Still running.

Lil guy still in there all alone.

As I get in my car, my mind struggles. Yes, this is the burbs. But, it’s unlocked. Keys in and running. With child. The mere thought of what could happen terrifies me. But, is it rational? I know there is NO WAY IN HELL I would EVER do that. Jinkies, lilest is over twice that child’s age and in she went with me. So I sit and I think. Lilest asks me why we aren’t driving yet and I explain to her what is going through my head. Then, she hits me with logic- “Mommy, you always stand up for what you feel is right. And you always say sometimes we need to be the voice for people who can’t use theirs.” Grrrr. What to do? Going in means the possibility of a very less than pleasant exchange with the driver/mom/dad/babysitter/guardian/what have you. The kind where people get to swinging. Yet I can’t just drive away and be wondering if that little boy is okay. I can sit here and wait for the person to come out and keep an eye on the vehicle. But, what happens when they go to the next place and do the same thing? Will someone watch it then? Will that little boy be okay?

So, I called the non emergency number for our police department and I told them the situation. Left it in their hands. And drove away hoping that the little boy would be okay, knowing they were at least on their way.

Did I do the right thing? I’m still not sure. I kinda hope whoever it is was in there buying some birth control. All I wanted was some nail polish.

Some people may call it a lesson learned.  But, this is more of a epiphany or shakabuku. Either way, what started as a slow discovery has hit hard. You know when you know something but it doesn’t quite sink in to your bones far enough for it to be a permanent part of you? Well, that moment that it gets engrained, burned into your psyche, that’s the important stuffs. Combine it with when you realize what you truly need to do with that and make the commitment to do so and you got yourself a shakabuku. (I like shakabuku because it’s so fun to say. )

Often times we accept things about ourselves and that’s that. Sometimes we really need to understand the why, the how and the impact that these things have on us and those around us or that are an important part of our lives.  Take it back to the root and then keep digging. Why keep digging? You can pluck something out that you don’t like about yourself and replant something new there. But, sometimes the roots of it are really good, they actually just need to be stronger. So, ya gotta dig, ya dig?  

There have been a few events lately that have built up to all of this. When I needed to, I lacked the ability to really explain myself properly. Rather than having the sense to say “I don’t know, let me figure it out please” I stumbled through what I thought it was. Describing a sort of reflex I’d somewhat gotten accustomed to as being part of me. A reflex that I now realize that wasn’t truly a bad thing, but also wasn’t a good thing either. Kind of one of those “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions” things.  I don’t want that anymore. Ever. 

I am the first one to freely admit I am flawed and proclaim myself forever a work in progress. There are no perfect people in this world, but I should constantly strive to be the best me that I can be. I’ve clearly been slacking on that. It was staring at the aftermath of the aforementioned events that it all hit me. 

Some basic truths about me:

1. I truly love to help other people. It’s not motivated in any way by wanting people to like me or wanting anything at all in return. The reason is a two-parter.  The first one being that I have been through some pretty rough situations in my life and many of them I did so on my own. While I appreciate the strength that it has given me, a part of me has wanted to do what I could to make sure others had help when faced with something, be it good or bad, that they needed help with. The second being that I really believe we are all on this crazy, wonderful ride called life together and should cut each other some slack and lend a hand when able. When people ask for help, 99% of the time, my reaction is one of those reflexes I have- I say yes and run full force into helping them out. Like an excited puppy dog.  

2. I have a propensity of putting everyone else first. Being a giver is a part of me that I’ve always been proud of. When it comes to needs, wants, desires, time, what have you- I will put someone else’s before mine far too often.  Again, reflex. 

3. I have difficulty setting and keeping boundaries. I’ve worked on this and have gotten a lot better on it, but I still have so far to go. If someone crosses a line when it comes to someone I care about, I can fiercely defend that boundary for them. In a heartbeat. But, I fail to apply that to myself far too often. Someone will test a boundary and now there are times where I can point out the boundary and mark it out for them. “Don’t cross here please.”  Then I inevitably feel bad when they are being nice and allow them to put their toe on that line again.  It’s even worse when they are friends. I’ve tried to get better at that,  but I still have issues completely severing unhealthy friendships. 

When you combine these three together, while I’ve always believed they are good traits to have, they can lead to a lot of problems. 

The problem with reflexes is this- while they can be life saving if they are healthy reflexes, they have the ability to do the opposite when they are not healthy ones. As I stare at that dreaded aftermath, it is far too obvious the damage that can truly be done. 

In the past, the biggest detriment of these reflexes was I’d get completely burnt out and/or get my feelings hurt. Well, when you look at all three of them and the thought processes I had been using, it all came down to – well it was just me being affected by being burnt out or hurt so that’s not that bad. Right? Sooooo wrong. Even if it is just me, those in my life that care about me are affected no matter what. I don’t want to see someone I care about burnt out or hurt. It’s time I accept that others may not want to see me that way either. 

When an excited puppy takes off running, they trip, they fall, they knock things over,  they see a shiny and start running in a new direction which means accidentally forgetting the original direction and sometimes they flat-out run right into traffic. Whether they mean to or not, they can leave quite the path of destruction behind them.  

It’s time for me to learn to take a deep breath, calm the fuck down and think things through THOROUGHLY.  How will this affect me? How will it affect those closest to me? 

It’s okay to put me first. In fact, if I want to keep the things I like about me, keep those most important to me in my life, I have to. I am no good to anyone a stressed out, burnt out ball of hurt. I may be good at hiding it, but that doesn’t last long. And I’m definitely no good to those I care about if my reflexes hurt them. 

It’s okay for me to say no. I’ve been good at it when it is something that affects my core values, well my values need to start with me valuing me a lot more. It’s okay to completely end relationships, friendships, what have you when they are not healthy. It’s okay and important for me to explain myself clearly to them as to what they are doing, how they are affecting me and that if they continue to do so that I can no longer continue to have them in my life. I will never like hurting someone else’s feelings (and I do believe that has always been the big factor- not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings) but I can’t keep putting other people’s feelings before mine. My feelings should be just as important to me.  

This has been a lot for me to digest and really hard for me to openly declare. Balancing my new found me-ness is going to be a bit of a learning process. I will inevitably stumble and trip and may still take off running all excited at times. While I am strengthening these roots, this flower is going to be a bit wonky. Okay, more wonky than usual.  This flower will always be flawed. And that’s okay. But, in the end, it will still be even stronger and more beautiful. 

When you look at it from afar- life really is a garden and in it, we are all flowers. Each one of us beautifully flawed in our own way. 

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” ~ The Dad in Juno 🙂

I am having one of those days.

Now, I’m willing to bet that your first thought was “oh yeah it’s Monday” or “awww that sucks.” But, I’m not talking about one of THOSE days.

Don’t get me wrong, the calendar says it’s Monday, the monkeys managed to bust out mad karate moves on each other this morning, fight over the Wii remote (she that controls the remote rules the Netflix streaming) and we barely got eldest to school on time. Laundry mountain is close to having snow covered peaks. The thousands of emails I have in my inbox (literally and I’m so not proud of that number) that I need to get to and handle scare me, my plate is beyond full and if I pause long enough, I’m sure the feeling of overwhelmedness will start to creep in. I’ve been giving my To Do the list the stink eye for a while now as I fight to catch up on being sick for 6+ weeks and all I really want to do today is drive around and huggle people that I have not seen or talked to enough in far too long. Standard crazy, somewhat stressful morning.

You know what though? It’s a freakin awesome day. Why? Because we have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge and the monkeys and I love the mess out of each other. I’m pursuing my dream and there are people in my life that remind me how much I mean to them. Those that are on my huggle hit list know that I love them and get what I have been through and that I would be all up on them in full on huggle more often if I could. I guess simply put, I have amazing people in my life that love me despite of (and sometimes because of) my many flaws.

N O T H I N G. E L S E. M A T T E RS .

And all of this means that I’m back. I am back to 110% Natali again. Still a bit run down but OMG it feels SO FREAKIN good.

Honey, I’m hoooooooome. 🙂

For this last week and a half or so I have been pretty sick. After finally getting antibiotics for it, I ended up breaking out in hives from head to toe from them. My hives had hives. Soooo not attractive. Soooo not comfortable. I had hit the brick wall of burnt out.

Until last night.

I’m still wiped and still dealing with health issues, but it’s time to pick up the #truthbat again. This time, surprisingly, for the cafe. For everyone that believes in it.

You see, I have a weekly conference call every Tuesday night for the UberDork Cafe. I look forward to them for many reasons. What I learned last night floored me. Saddened me. When the shock of it all wore off, it downright pissed me off.

I’ve always proudly embraced the titles geek, nerd, dork. One of the many amazing lessons that I have learned on this incredible journey of UberDork Cafe is that us gnorks still tend to hide who we are. Stay in our lil corners of the online world and don’t tend to venture beyond that. Part of the whole goal of the cafe has been to give us a place to go to. To branch out from those corners. To give our future gnorks a place to go to meet others and to actually be able to comfortably be themselves in a place within the community, the real life community. To teach them and us that we don’t need to hide who we are. There is no shame in being geeks, nerds, dorks.

Last night I realized I might be wrong.

It might not be a fluke that there is nothing really like the UberDork Cafe out there. The fact that we tend to hide may not really be our fault. It seems others are more comfortable when we are contained to online. We may come out if we must, but we shall not refer to ourselves as dorks, or geeks or nerds. It makes others uncomfortable it seems.

Last night I was informed that major corporate sponsors of the first auction completely backed out. Why? Well, during initial contact the full name UberDork Cafe was used. From that point on it was shortened to UDC or “the cafe.” Then they got the press kit yesterday. These major corporations then stated that I would need to change the name of the cafe for them to follow through with sponsoring. Yup. They don’t like “dork.” And yeah, don’t try to replace it with nerd or geek either. Those simply won’t do as well. One of these major corporations makes a great deal of money off of us gnorks as well.

My response? (Ok, well the edited version, I won’t lie, there was A LOT of cussing on my behalf initially.)

Dear Giant Corporate People,

Shame on you. Shame on you for so very many reasons. For thinking you could just buy a name. For thinking you have that sort of power over people still. For thinking that us dorks, us nerds, us geeks are that weak that we would hide who we are, change who we are to suit your comfort. For being more than willing to take our money as long as we remain safely tucked away from view and deny who we are. For thinking that you somehow own us. For thinking that in this day and age discrimination is ok, as long as it has a price tag on it. For thinking that I am the type of person that is going to just roll over, change my entire character and teach my children that it is acceptable to allow a company, or even a person, to force you to change your name, your character, or who you are for them.

Allow me to enlighten you. Dork, nerd, geek… in your feeble minds may be words that show weakness or less than desirable characteristics. I hate to break this to you, but the term “corporate” invokes far worse feelings amongst a vastly wider population of people. People that span all age levels, races, income brackets, you name it. Do you know why that is? Because of things like this. Because you still live under the antiquated notion that bigger is always better. That money will buy you anything, anyone. I hate to break it to you, but it really doesn’t. In fact, it won’t even buy you one lil ole dork.

I’m not for sale. My children’s dream is not for sale. My friends, my family, the people that support this dream, that support the UberDork Cafe are not for sale.

And we certainly aren’t going anywhere. If anything, you’ve just made us a bit louder. A bit more present.

Thanks so much for reinforcing the need for the UberDork Cafe. Your shameful behavior has made my mission that much stronger.

Have a wonderful day!

Sincerely,
Natali
Proudly known as UberDork Girlie