It’s been almost exactly one year since I imported all of my posts over at Blogspot over to here. It looks like there were some glitches and I’ll get those straightened up. At the time I realized that I needed to start writing again. For me. I have no delusions that people will really want to read the rantings of a crazy single mom raising two geeklings. Plus, when I am old and living with 9 cats and a menagerie of other cute critters that I’ve knitted outfits for, my girls will have stories to look back on.
Life seemed to have other plans. It likes to do that. So, I’m going to give this another whirl and see if I can update it at least once a month. 🙂
So, have a sit, stick around. Say hi if you’d like. 🙂
The beauty of a name
Current mood: content
Category: Life
Growing up in a suburb like mine, having the name Natali was kinda rough. I was pretty much the only person with the name and the only real “famous” Natali’ that anyone would have heard of at the time was the chick from the Facts of Life. I HATED the fact that she had my name. Most of my generation watched that show and she was so frickin’ annoying. Blech. So, I really disliked my name. It grew on me as I got older, when I got to that age where being different didn’t suck quite so bad. Then, I got to the point where I liked it. It was during the time where I guess I finally just started feeling comfortable in my own skin really.
Like, dislike, indifference, all the phases I went through with it, never once did I think it was beautiful until I was 22. Living in California for a while at that point, I had finally gotten used to hearing other people being called Natalie. It took a while for me to stop saying “what?” every time I heard it. It’s commonplace settled in though. I was running a group home for autistic children at the time. My little guys were all amazing and I loved every one of them. One, in particular, was a challenge to me. Ryan didn’t speak at all, except his own name on rare occasion and singing “bah bah black sheep” to his toy radio. There had to be some way to get through to him and I worked my ass off on trying to find it.
After several months of being there, I noticed he used to like to watch whomever was in the kitchen cooking. So, I hunted down a cooking class for those with special needs and started taking him. The third class, the case manager for the company decided to come with me and Ryan. I am so glad she did. We had gotten to class earlier than usual and we walked Ryan to the bathroom. We sat there talking by the sink while we were waiting for him. Not but 10 seconds before he came out of the stall, I heard “Natali.” I just sat there agog, staring at the CM, hoping she had heard it too. “Did he just say your name?” Ryan came out of the stall, looked at her and me and said “Yes, Natali.” I cried. Yup, that’s right. I stood there in the bathroom, watching him wash his hands with tears just rolling down my face. It was the only time I would ever hear him say it, but it didn’t matter. I knew at that time that I had gotten through. Hearing his voice speak it, my name sounded beautiful.
Flash forward to present time and my name spawns a story that sums up the residents at the facility I run now. They are all amazing in their own way as well and I love the hell out of them too. While most of them call me Natali, there are three that have their own name for me. Robert calls me Natasha, Michael calls me “Antanette” (yes pronounced like that) and Will calls me Nadia.
About three weeks after I started the job, I was in my office one morning while Michael came running up. “Antanette, Antanette, I didn’t get my hug yet this morning.” The next thing I know Robert is standing there “Michael, you’re nuts, her name is Natasha.” Then Will “You’re both stupid, her name is Nadia.” A heated argument ensued. I attempted to diffuse it by saying “Actually guys, my name is Natali.” Will turned at me and yelled “Shut up, Linda!”
And Robert still calls me Natasha, Michael still calls me Antanette and Will still calls me Nadia. As for Linda, I’m still trying to figure out who she is.
I have seen all that is wrong with this world and it drives a Mercedes SUV. Okay, that may be a bit overdramatic and I do not have a vendetta against everyone who drives a Mercedes SUV. You know what, screw the disclaimer, you’ll get what I mean. 🙂
Both monkeys are in school now. I love their school. I really do. The town it’s in leaves a lot to be desired. But, the school itself is awesome and it gives me hope. It’s a public school. On one of its walls is a sign “If a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn.- Ignacio Astrada” And so far they have followed it. That, my friends, is what gives me hope. But, that’s a whole other post.
It’s a relatively small elementary school and has a very small parking lot. For years now, the drop off and pick up are the same. To avoid blocking school buses and traffic on the road in front of it, you line up and snake around the rows. It’s a very, very simple process that makes a great deal of sense once you learn it.
Now, logical thing for a new person to do is pull straight in and right up to the front. They wouldn’t have noticed all the cars wrapped around and so I’m sure initially it is not meant to skip everyone in line. I give the benefit of the doubt for new faces. Always. There is, however, no mistaking the “oh shit” moment. When your “whoo hoo no wait!” moment passes and you realize all of the other cars are there and you just skipped them all. Again, people react differently when embarrassed and such, so if they don’t give the gratuitous ‘Aww snap, I’m sorry” wave and look of shame, no biggie. All I ask is that the lesson be learned.
I guess for some that is just way too much to ask. And THAT, my dears is why all that is wrong with this world drives a Mercedes SUV.
Monday morning she came whipping up just as I was at the front of the line. Didn’t even bother to look. She gets waived in to pull up, then I do. Life goes on. Tuesday morning, the same thing. I’m at the front of the line and up comes whipping Ms. SUV. Okay. Hmmm… so, I get out when I park to unleash monkeys onto the school. I politely walk over to her, extend a hand and say “Hi! I’m Natali, (fill in monkey’s names) mom and lead room mom for (fill in monkeys’ teachers names).” No handshake. Just blank annoyed stare. I continue. “Okay, well, I know that pick up and drop off can be somewhat confusing here at (insert monkeys’ school name) for new parents so I thought I would…” She cuts me off “I’m not new. And you’re making me late, what is your point?” Me “Wow, well okay, I don’t want to make you late. I just wanted to politely inform err I guess remind you of the proper drop off and pick up procedure here.” She literally turns, gets in her vehicle and off she goes.
My eye twitched and I swear I heard the music played when the Wicked Witch, (or in the event my girls grow up and read this, the “Misunderstood Witch”) from the Wizard of Oz hops on her broomstick and flies off. Dee dee dee dee dee dee. Dee dee dee dee dee dee. Dee deeeee!
Wednesday morning, I get us out the door 5 minutes earlier hoping to just avoid the situation. Guess what happens? Yup. Just as I get to the front, up whips Ms. Mercedes. I throw my hands up in a “WTF?!” way. She turns and smirks. * eye twitch * I smile and wave. Yup, I smiled and waved. Bigger person. Deep breaths. More flies with honey. She continues to smirk as she pulls ahead of me and unloads her offspring. I open my window and say “Nice to see you again! Have a great day!” Inside though, the well of profanity can barely wait for me to shut my window and make it off of school property.
Now, I feel compelled to mention that there is a rotation of teachers out front in the morning and each day it was new ones so they really didn’t realize she wasn’t someone who was dropping off for the first time and just didn’t learn the process yet.
Thursday morning, off we go. I take a deep breath as pull up to the front of the wrap around. I look to the entrance to the parking lot and don’t see her. HUGE sigh of relief. The car on deck goes… I take my foot off the brake and just begin to move forward when in she comes- BARRELING toward us. I have to slam on the brakes.
NOW I’VE DONE HAD ENOUGH.
She unleashes the smirk. I raise the “Oh, this is how it’s gonna be biotch!?” eyebrow.
She pulls up and parks. I pull up and get out. Again. Deep breath, smile on face. Sugary sweet tone in voice. With just a hint of sarcasm. “Hiiiiiii. It’s me again. I didn’t catch your name the other day.” *BLANK STARE* “Anywho, I know that the whole concept of wrapping around in rows (*hand signals all kinds of stewardess-like indicating the proper flow of traffic*) can be REALLY difficult for some people to grasp. Driving is hard. But, I would be more than happy to make a little video for you demonstrating how not to drive like a maniac and endanger the youth at this elementary school. Especially my lovely daughters. Wave to the nice lady girls!” The girls wave. And, clearly my daughters, both at the same time say “Hiiii” the same way I did and “You have to wrap around. You can’t just skip ahead.” Me: “Oh look at that- a 5 and 7 year old get the concept. Kids these days are so advanced.”
Then she snaps. “I AM IMPORTANT! I HAVE SHIT TO DO! BACK THE FUCK OFF OF ME, LET ME DROP MY FUCKING KID OFF IN PEACE!!!” Yeah, the gasping of kids, other parents and teacher meant nothing to this woman. Kids in earshot covered their ears. Well, except mine. They just stood there smiling. A horde of angry parents (okay, it was 3, but that’s practically a horde here) emerged on her as did two teachers.
I kissed my girls. Told them the same thing I tell them every day “Have fun! Learn stuff! I love you the mostest much in the whole entire universe.” And I drove away. The other people can try to drive the lesson home to her.
It’s her “I AM IMPORTANT!” attitude that is what’s wrong. We are ALL important. No one person should be treated as more important than anyone else. No one person should be given privileges that they haven’t earned. It takes a freakin village. Not just to raise our future but to nurture this country. Parents that act like this teach their children that it’s okay. Now, I am FAR from the perfect parent and will be the first one to point out my many flaws. But, I try. You know what- the first time I went to pick up the girls, I didn’t know the system. I had my “oh snap!” moment and I apologized. Then I never did it again.
If some one can’t follow simple rules of drop off and pick up at an elementary school, I fear for our future. If people become so self absorbed they can’t take two minutes to hear and really listen to what someone has to say to them, I fear for our future.
The second I pulled out of that parking lot, I was reminded of that clip in Mr. Mom. If you don’t know the clip I’m talking about, please take a minute to watch the clip. 🙂
And it made me smile.
So, fellow peoples of the world, let’s get it together. Let’s remember to treat people with decency. Let’s remember we are all in this crazy thing called life together.
Let’s remember- south to pick up, north to drop off.
And let’s hope we don’t need to raise bail money for me if that woman cuts me off again. 🙂
Hello, my name is Natali and I will be your Fairy Karma Mother today. To point out some things that will come back and bite you in the ass if you’re not careful. For some of you though I may be a swift #truthbat to the head. Both are for your own good really. And both delivered out of love.
What the Hell makes me qualified for such things? Everything or nothing depending on how you look at it. No, that’s not any attempt to be all cryptic. It works like this- I’m qualified because I am human. I am perceptive. I care. I’m not afraid to point out the ugly truths we all secretly know but sometimes forget or blatantly ignore because it’s more comfortable to do so. And odds are, I’ve been through it myself. If you don’t want to hear what I’m saying, well then nothing I can say will make me qualified enough in your eyes. Deep down, you know I’m right though.
So, grab a woobie, take a deep breath, clear your mind, open it up, sit back and relax…..
1. Don’t Be That DoucheBag.
Very few times in my life have I heard a sober person utter “dating is fun!” It’s an awkward dance between strangers that grows more awkward with every “ten tips to snag a geek” and “what he REALLY wants in a woman” type article that comes out. Wear this, say this, do this, don’t do this, wait this many days/dates before you do this. It’s all too much. Yet few want to be alone so it’s a necessary dance of sorts.
I have witnessed a highly common theme amongst my friends and people in my social streams as of late. Here’s the scenario….. (and it works both ways, girls do it as well, I’m not just claiming it’s guys. Douchebag is def not a single gendered noun.)
Girl/guy meet online. They start talking. They like each other. They are talking and texting like mad. There are clearly all kinds of commonalities. They finally meet over the obligatory coffee/lunch/beer. Things seem to go okay. Girl never hears from guy again.
Seriously!? WHAT THE FUCK?? I don’t get this. Yet, I’ve seen soo much of it lately. First of all, it would seem there was clearly a connection there. If not romantic, at least as friends. Your friend quota is just suddenly maxed out?
Secondly and most importantly- GET OVER YOURSELF.
Guess what Sunshine? There is a chance she wasn’t wanting to start nomming your face either. Man up/Woman up and be a decent human being. Say “hey, I had a nice time. I’m not sure how you feel, but I was feeling way more a friend vibe than romantic. I’m sorry if that’s not what you were feeling. But, if you’d like to stay in touch, hang out…..” you get the point. Something nice.
DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT BE THAT DOUCHEBAG. No one deserves to be treated like that. And honey, if you are the victim of that douchebag THEY ARE NOT WORTHY. Trust me love, you WILL do soooo much better. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
2. Actions always speak louder than words. So, if you can’t back yours up, let your next action be walking.
I put this up over the weekend. The first part is older than dirt. I’m fairly certain even dinosaurs lived by this. This bears repeating- Words woo and pull at our heartstrings. One right sentence from the right person can make our entire day, or week or month. But, the words mean nothing if they are not backed by actions. Whispering sweet nothings… they are nothings unless there are actions that make them somethings. I don’t care who you are, “I love you” followed by a junkpunch just ain’t right.
There are many facets to this too. You can’t tell someone they are important to you, yet you have no time for them. Especially when you are all over FB, Twitter, whatever talking to everyone else.
When you tell people something, they tend to believe you. Especially when it’s things like “You’re special, I care, you’re important, I love you.” Those are big words.
WORDS THAT IF YOU CAN’T BACK UP, JUST TURN AROUND AND WALK NOW BEFORE YOU DO MORE DAMAGE THAN YOU ALREADY HAVE.
3. Never make someone a priority when you are only their option.
This is one I need to keep revisiting. I think it’s one of the hardest things to master. We all have (whether we want to admit it or not) the desire to be liked. Some people don’t feel like they are liked unless they know people are paying attention. The more people that pay attention, the better they feel.
When no one is giving them that, enter you. They can always count on you. Well, both of you need to listen up.
IF YOU DON’T STOP SEEKING EVERYONE’S APPROVAL/COMPLIMENTS/LUST/WHATEVER, YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE THE ONE PERSON THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE. One true person is worth way more than a bunch of silly fans that will never know the real you or bail when they do meet it.
and
YOU DESERVE TO BE A PRIORITY. THE PRIORITY. There IS someone out there that will want to make you their priority.
4. The truth ALWAYS comes out.
Lying about who you are or pretending to be someone you aren’t does no one any good. Everyone needs a friend in their life with a strong bullshit detector. And we need to listen to them. It’ll save A LOT of heartache.
5. Kindness always wins and grumpy people just suck.
If you are going to choose to judge other people on one mere characteristic , let that one be that they are human. Mere flesh and blood like the rest of us. A commonality we can all relate to. Even the seemingly charmed don’t live charmed lives. We all go through our own trials. What’s small to us may be huge to others and vice versa. So, the next time you’re out- hold a door open for a stranger and smile at them. They may really need it. The next time you’re about to judge someone you don’t even know based on their political views or color of their skin, whatever silly little thing you feel like randomly judging them on, find something about them that you have in common. I already gave you one. 🙂 Or something you like about them. I know that’s a big step, but try it once. It’s not gonna kill you.
Well, I think that’s it for now. I know there is more knocking around my noggin but I wanted to get this up before I started my day. Thank you for putting up with my little rant for the morning.
Remember- Karma shows up for us all. It’s up to us to whether it’s to say hi and give us a huggle, or smack the shit outta us. 🙂
I never thought that I would have to write something like this. That may be proof of how naive I may be. I always preferred to think of myself as optimistic, hopeful, positive.
I owe so very many of you a huge apology. When someone from our community came to me wanting to help with our dream, UberDork Cafe, I believed them. Whole heartedly. I trusted them. Completely. That person has failed me and I, in turn, have failed you. For this, I am truly so very sorry.
It was my mistake to look at them as a friend and every missed deadline or promise that wasn’t followed through, I credited to them being busy. Kept giving the benefit of the doubt. I then asked one person a simple request- the list of all the names and contact information for everyone who had ordered the calendar so far so that I could send them an update and thank them personally. That request was responded to as though I had some sordid plot or agenda. The reaction not only surprised me, but confused me to no end.
Repeated requests since then have been made to not only communicate with the person, but to get the information of everyone that has ordered anything (which includes T shirts as well) through him for the cafe or have donated items to be auctioned for the cafe. Still, I have nothing.
Earlier yesterday I had sent him an email begging him to explain things to me as he was backing me into a corner that I did not want to be in. I guess his response was to remove UberDork Cafe from his site.
Without word to me. Without communicating to me. Without giving me any information regarding UberDork Cafe that I have repeatedly requested.
I’ve been trying to find the words to express all of this without it turning even uglier than it seems to have gotten. But, everyone who ordered things has a right to know. Without having any information, I’m being forced to make it public.
I am left sitting here with no way to contact anyone that ordered things. Things that were paid for and have not been delivered. I have a group of amazing women that created a calendar out of love and hope to make a difference in the awareness of breast cancer and two awesome organizations that are to be receiving funds from the sales of the calendar to whom I have no answers for. No way to explain why someone would do such a thing.
All I have is a promise to all of you to do my best to make everything right. I promise you that this calendar will get printed, t shirts will be made and this cafe will be built. It’s just going to take longer than had hoped due to broken promises and the fact that to try correct this mistake, it seems it’s going to have to come out of my pocket to do so.
You have all been so great at helping to get the word out and it’s with an incredibly heavy heart that I need to ask you all to stop relaying any link that involves ordering anything through RockTheLAN.com or RockTheLANStore.com
If you or someone you know ordered the calendar through the link that was sent out, have ordered any UDC-related T Shirts, or have donated items to be auctioned please have them contact me directly at JustNatali@gmail.com.
Thank you all so very much for believing in this. Again, I am truly very sorry.
Many people look at Thanksgiving like they do Valentine’s Day. “You should tell someone you love them/are thankful for them every day. You shouldn’t need some over-commercialized, Hallmark holiday to remind you to do it.” They are right. But, at least there is that one day. Lives get busy and hectic and we often just assume the people in our lives know how important they are to us. Rushing routines make one day blur into another and Thanksgiving thunks us on the head, pokes us in the heart and reminds us to stop and embrace that moment. It’s a day when, those that are lucky, gather around a huge meal with family, watch football, plot the assault on the upcoming holiday season. My favorite part of Thanksgiving when I was little was the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. It still is something I look forward to every year. In fact, #3 on my bucket list is a trip to New York with a sublist of things to do when I am there and one of those is watching the parade live.
My new favorite part will be the tradition the monkeys and I created this year. If you’ve been following me here, on Twitter or know me on FaceBook, you know I’m pretty nontraditional when it comes to parenting. We do a lot of goofy things. 🙂 A couple of weeks ago we were out and about and there was Christmas everywhere. The girls back me on my “no Christmas before Thanksgiving.” I’m not going to lie though, sometimes it’s kind of hard. What used to make me huff and puff and grump about being earlier and earlier every year, I now somewhat smile at. It’s not going anywhere, people aren’t going to stop putting Christmas up as early as they can. Stores aren’t going to suddenly decide to refrain. So, why expend the energy in being upset about it? This time of year is my absolute favorite and many times I end up getting caught up in all the things I “have” to get done before the big day and then it’s over and done with and I feel like I missed part of it in all that prep work. So, we came up with an idea. A compromise, if you will. A way to pay proper homage to a day that rightfully deserves it, while embracing that excitement that starts to well for the season of bright shiny lights, the spirit of giving and the anticipation of everyone’s favorite jolly ole man to come a calling. This year, we made a Thanksgiving Tree. Yes, it is our Christmas Tree, lit up with white twinkle lights. But, it is decorated with leaves, the Star Wars Scrufies Eldest got for her birthday, hand print drawn turkeys with names of people and things we are thankful for and topped with a giant turkey. And I think it’s absolutely beautiful. We had such a good time making it and we managed to take that same feeling you get when getting ready for Christmas and apply it to a very deserving holiday. We decked our halls and spent weeks being thankful. Not just one day. And it was pretty darn awesome.
This year I have so much to be thankful for. So many people in my life with whom I would not be where I am today without. There is no way I could even list them, in fear my skatty self would accidentally miss someone which would make me feel HORRIBLE. My sister, my family, my friends, everyone that even remotely believes in my dream of the UberDork Cafe, the doctors that saw me through a few very rough weeks fairly recently and most of all- my daughters. They truly make me the woman I am today. I hope that one day they will put up Thanksgiving Trees with their families.
Wherever you are, whether you celebrate this day or not, I hope you know how thankful I am that you are reading this. That you are in my life. I hope that you take a moment to even just think about the things in your life you are thankful for. If you act on those thoughts, all the better.
I’m not typically one that is really left at a loss for words. Yet, I’ve struggled a great deal writing this post. My life has been so centered on the UberDork Cafe (and it’s all good stuff in re: to that) that it has been far too long since I just wrote on here about life. I still am not sure what the “right” answer is in terms of use of my blog now. Me being me, it’s still a necessary outlet for me that I’ve missed and part of me feels that it shouldn’t affect the UDC as UDC is me too. We are intertwined. Many people that have supported UberDork Cafe have done so based on knowing me. Whatever the solution will eventually be, I felt I truly needed to write this post.
Where the truck have I been?
There is a long and gory answer to that, but there is definitely an overabundance of TMI in this world, so I’m going to do my best to not add to that. In short, about 2 weeks ago I started feeling ill. What started as something that seemed quite simple and no big deal really snowballed. The original treatment for the first ailment diagnosed was an antibiotic that, it turns out, I am pretty darn allergic to. In short- my hives had hives. I spent all of that weekend literally coated in Calamine lotion, doped up on Benadryl and trying my best to sleep so I wouldn’t scratch. It was BAD. There have since been follow up appointments. Then it was eldest monkey’s 6th birthday. So, still feeling so ill, I did my best to make sure her birthday (last Friday) and that whole weekend was nothing but awesome for her. Then came Monday and some exploratory work at the hospital. Exploratory work is so not fun. Then Wednesday eldest embarked on her first day of 1st grade. I had been battling with the school district to allow her to return to her school despite the insane redistricting that occurred and thankfully I won that one.
My goal over these last 2 weeks has been to try to make sure my girls don’t know I’m not well as best as possible and to be there for them. You see some of the possibilities health-wise that were mentioned were far from comforting. It really puts things in perspective. UberDork Cafe is still a HUGE priority in my life and there is news on that front as well. These last two weeks have forced me to take a step back from being as vocal and out in front about it though. Truthfully, when I think about it, part of it has to do with my survival mode as well. When things get super insane or hard, I tend to hide and deal with it. I’m so used to being the rock for many people in my life, yet not having a rock of my own that I tend to just hunker down and handle it on my own. Try to be my own rock. It takes so much for me to step up and say “I’m scared” or “I need help” or “I’m overwhelmed with life” or “I need you” and when I finally manage to do that and get kicked, the wounds and scars are pretty deep. Yup, I haz a big squishy. Especially when the bailing comes from people that tell me they love me. It’s a issue I’m trying to work through.
So, the results are in and part of the problem turns out to be some clusters of precanceous cells. I know the word “pre” is in front of that, but it’s still a pretty rough thing to hear. This weekend I will be undergoing a simple, yet painful and unpleasant, procedure that will hopefully eliminate all of them. I will then have to continue to be monitored closely to see if they are gone, if they come back, if they return with a vengeance, you name it. This weekend is gonna kind of really suck. But, I should be recovered by Monday or Tuesday and be coming back out the gate swinging!!
If I am up to it, one of my main goals is to catch up on emails and with everyone I have lost touch with and start bringing everyone up to speed on what is going on with UberDork Cafe. I should warn you though, there is a possibility that it may turn into a couple of days of me drooling on my couch in a small Vicodin coma. But, I will be thinking of you while drooling! Ok, that sounds a lil creepy.
The last two weeks have taught me so much about myself, my daughters, the people closest to me in my life and what I am capable of. In this time I had someone call me “beautifully flawed.” Some that heard that took it as insulting, I didn’t. I know the person that said it adores me and they meant well. I see it as their way of reiterating my theory of the fact that I am a continual work in progress. We all are really. If we are not striving to learn, to grow, to improve, than what is the point?
I am honestly very sorry that I’ve upped and disappeared while going through this. It wasn’t my intent more of a knee-jerk reaction. When juggling so much with so little energy, balls get dropped. And I was the clown that couldn’t juggle, so I’m at a disadvantage. I make really kick ass balloon animals though. 🙂
Bear with me for just a bit longer and I promise I will be back and annoying the mess out of you as soon as possible. Oh, and I get really spazzy on Vicodin for like 45 min and then turn into the narcoleptic chick from Deuce Bigalow so, if you see some crazy tweets/posts/etc from me- it’s the Vicodin talking!!!
*huggles*
One of the songs the “beautifully flawed” person associates with me. 🙂
With any luck, the average person can expect a plethora of amazing moments throughout their lifetime. Of course that may vary a bit based on your definition of amazing and being open to recognizing it when ya see it. Life-changing moments, well those can be even harder sometimes. Sometimes you don’t even know they happen. You make a wrong turn by “accident,” cuss yourself out for it for like 10 minutes for doing so and never realize that had you not done that, the guy leaving the bar three sheets to the proverbial wind would have plowed into you head on in a few blocks. Sometimes they are obvious and easy- they arrive on your front door step wrapped in a bow with a tag. And sometimes they lurk in the distance. You see it sitting there, but you have to cross a big unknown without any idea how long it will take to get there and if it will be all that you thought it was once you do. Those take some courage to go for.
In the last 60+ days, I have leveled up like mad in the amazing moments and have recognized, embraced and am running full force with my life-changing moment.
And if you are reading this, odds are quite good you’ve been along for the ride and helped me level up. Thank you so very much.
I know I may sound a bit broken recordish when I say how in awe I have been with all the support of every kind that I have received. I’m also sure there’s a couple of you that may wanna smack me in the back of the head for repeating “I just wanna huggle each and every one of you.” But, I whole-heartedly mean it all.
I can’t believe how quickly these 60 days have gone. July 17th, the night I hit goal, will be forever etched in my memory so vividly. Part of me thought things would slow down when it occurred. Silly me, I swear they’ve sped up. In fact, I know they did. Juggling everything has been such a challenge for me. My relatively boring life has been beyond shaken up with so many different things. Things I am very, very grateful for. Balancing it all is my new goal. Because the girls are so excited about UberDork Cafe, sharing everything I’m working on with them has lead to some great family time. It has also lead to two mini business women who can crack a pretty rough whip sometimes. There are definitely some people I value immensely in my life I need to reconnect with though because this last month I haven’t been around for them nearly as much as I usually am and should be.
So, goal and step number one at this point for me is to work on balancing and juggling better. I know that’s not exciting stuff, but it’s honest and it’s necessary. One of the most important lessons I’ve fought to maintain in my life is to always be me, to be true to myself. That means through bad times and good. When I start to slip away from that, I feel horrible. I don’t do well at not being me. When I get burnt out and lose touch with people I care about, I not only am not true to myself , I am a bad example for my girls. Lil self #truthbatting there. : )
The next step in regards for UberDork Cafe is to properly thank my backers and my supporters. The web site is in the process of being completely revamped and built out to help me with that. It will also be the portal for all the news and updates going on with the Cafe. And there are soooo many things coming up!!
The Kickstarter Project was Phase I of the fundraising toward opening doors. It will go a long way in prepping and getting things set in stone that need to be. But, it is far from what I need in total to get the doors open. The next Phase brought me to tears when someone came forward with it. (I know the tears part at this point with me is not so shocking, but trust me- it’s HUGE!) I will be announcing it this weekend on the site. And I’ll make sure to get links out to that everywhere for you to see.
Wow, I just realized this is such a very different post from me. In my quirky way I do tend to self reflect, but not so seriously. Hee hee I’m sure you were expecting a “OMG THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!! I WANT TO HUG YOU ALL!!” post. Trust me, I can’t even being to thank you all for not only getting the concept and all that is UberDork Cafe, but believing in it and in me. For being with me on this trek across the big unknown. If you read my “I Haz A BIG Love” post, you know how much it all means to me, how much you, my community, mean to me.
It’s safe to say that the #truthbat will be around for quite some time. I want to again thank @Jennie_Z and @Sabalo for introducing me to the #truthbat. If it were not for them, I would not be swinging it at all. While it will not be in every blog post, I have vowed to whip it out and use it as needed.
Trust me, it’s needed.
Before I get to swinging it, I have learned a new truth. I did call the person I was afraid to in the last post out. Just a tap, really, not even a full swing. She first responded with a “hee hee oops” type response. While I was pondering how to retort, she deleted her responses, unfollowed me and then completely ignored me questioning her why she would do that. So… lesson learned…
Running from the #truthbat doesn’t make the truth any less true.
And that’s ok. People can run, people can hide, people can dance around it and pull every excuse known to man out of their ass. But eventually, THE TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT. #truthbat In reality peeps, we all need to learn to put our big kid panties on, suck it up and take the hit sometimes. Be a man. Be a woman.
Acknowledge the fuck up, learn the lesson and make the changes to prevent it from happening again. Anything else is just cowardly bullshit.
I try my hardest to look at every situation in life as a learning experience. Sometimes it takes the worst situation to make the most valuable truths known. Truths we don’t want to see, truths we may even have prayed to not ever know. I would much rather be hit with the #truthbat though than have someone lie to me. It may hurt like hell and I may swear the sting will never truly go away, but it always does. And it’s better than living a lie.
Life is a tricky thing in and of itself. If it is enough to drive you crazy, love (or lust) is that which will put one completely over the edge. There is a reason for the phrase “crazy in love.” It has the power to make sane, normal people do epically stupid shit. It also has the power to make those that are slightly off kilter go full on fucking psycho.
Now is the time to toss away everything Hollywood and Disney have taught you. Don’t look at me like that. Hells yeah happy endings exist. But you can’t force them, or love for that matter, no matter how badly you want IT or that other person.
NO male or female is worth going bat shit stalker crazy over. Period. #truthbat
Seriously.
Ok, I have been swinging the #truthbat for other people and AT myself. This actually has some of me swinging it FOR myself. That’s something I just don’t do. I don’t stand up for myself a whole lot. But, it’s about damn time I do.
I gotta say over the last few weeks I have seen some guys and gals pull some universally stupid shit for and to the opposite sex. Some has been at a distance, the most messed up has shown up on my doormat and at the end of the post you’re going to have to put up with me yelling “GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!” a bit because yeah, I gotta stand up for me. In the mean time, let the swinging begin….
Now, we KNOW when things aren’t working or they are really not interested. We choose to ignore it though. We cover our eyes and pretend the #truthbat isn’t there. WE NEED TO START VALUING OURSELVES MORE. #truthbat
Why the hell would you WANT someone that doesn’t want you? Why would you chase and chase and try and try and ignore and ignore? Hell or stalk and stalk? It’s just not worth it. In the end, what do you get? IF you manage to get/keep that person, are they there out of fear? Just cuz you wore them the hell down and they gave up? Or worse, because they know you’re always going to be their safety net? THEY ARE NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU #truthbat
Every chase, every sign ignored is a chip away from your self-respect. Keep chipping away and you’ll end up that crazy person we’ve all seen. NO ONE IS WORTH THAT. #truthbat No one is worth the stress, the anxiety. Forget trying to save them or save the relationship, you gotta start by saving yourself. In the event of an emergency, please place the oxygen mask on yourself before attempting to help the passenger next to you.
After all that I have been privy to, listened to, been a crying shoulder for and witnessed myself over these weeks, there are some basic, universal signs I need to #truthbat into some skulls. Most of these are truths that apply to ALL relationships mind you. Not just romantic ones.
1. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! #truthbat Words woo and pull at our heartstrings. One right sentence from the right person can make our entire day, or week or month. But, the words mean nothing if they are not backed by actions. Whispering sweet nothings… they are nothings unless there are actions that make them somethings. I don’t care who you are, “I love you” followed by a junkpunch just ain’t right. 2. NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY WHEN YOU ARE ONLY THEIR OPTION. #truthbat One-sided relationships of any sort are unhealthy. Period. If you are the one that is always reaching out, always there for them, always the one to call, text, email, smoke signal, etc and they hardly or rarely reciprocate- they are not really a friend/lover/etc. If they come to you only when no one else is around, honey you are only an option. And you are better than being just an option to someone you deem a priority. It’s up to you to choose whether you remain in the relationship on some level. But, you HAVE to step back and ask yourself what YOU need from this relationship to be happy. If you need them to be where you’re at and they can’t be? Time to say peace out. If you are ok with them being just an option to you as well, then build up your walls and lay down your boundaries- not only with them, but with yourself more importantly. 3. IF THEY ONLY ACT LIKE THEY ARE WITH YOU IN PRIVATE, THEY AREN’T REALLY WITH YOU. #truthbat I understand not everyone is into public displays of affection. I get people wanting some privacy in their lives. If you buy a billboard on the freeway that says “I love you Bruce Phillip Wayne III” yeah, you have your own issues and that’ll get ya yelled at. But if you try to take their hand, put your arm around them, call them baby in public or post/tweet/whatever something affectionate somewhere on the interwebz to them and they get MAD… that is a huge red flag. “I don’t want everyone to be all up in my business” only goes so far when they are throwing their other business out there already. Think about it, she just posted a pic of her out with the girls drunk at a club or her kids doing something silly but “have a great day babygirl” got ya looked at cross-eyed? Relationship statuses have come up a TON of times lately. When it comes down to it- they are optional. Always. You don’t HAVE to list them. So, if they are listing “Single” yet you two are in a monogamous relationship or you sent them an actual relationship request and their ass ignored it… you’ve gone way past red flag and into Danger Will Robinson, Danger. If they refuse to claim you in public somehow, THEY DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU. 4. IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THEM TO FUCK UP, THEY WILL #truthbat This goes hand in hand with ONE PERSON DOES NOT REPRESENT AN ENTIRE GENDER/RACE/SPECIES/ETC. #truthbat If you have been cheated on, hurt, junkpunched, etc by one person and you bring that baggage into a relationship with someone else, you’re gonna fuck it all up. If you dig and dig and second guess and question without any real reason to, they are gonna end up messing up. THEY ARE NOT THEM! This is a whole new relationship. Keep some healthy boundaries up to protect yourself, that’s fine. But don’t start digging through their cell phone, mail, myspace, whatever to find something. Because you will. It may not be something that is actually a legitimate mess up on their part though and by trippin on it, trust is lost on both ends. Once trust is lost, that’s the hardest thing to bounce back from. 5. IF YOU WATCH THEM ACTUALLY FUCK UP AND IGNORE IT, THEY WILL KEEP DOING IT. #truthbat If they step out of line and you know they did, but don’t call them on it, yeah they are going to keep stepping out of line. Depending on the relationship and how far outta line they’re stepping, you can toss them a freebie. But, after that…when you see the pattern and you fail to balls up and say “Ok, look, you maybe need to knock this off” that’s all on YOU. At that point you can’t be mad at them for stepping out of line, you have to be mad at your own self for not bringing it up. I know why you’re not though. I get it. It’s because if you call them on it, they might either talk their way out of it and keep doing it, get pissed at you for bringing it up then you’re the bad guy, or get mad enough to end the relationship. If they do though, THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT. IF SOMEONE LOVES/CARES ABOUT YOU, THEY WILL TRY TO SEE YOUR SIDE OF IT. #truthbat And IF THEY KEEP DOING IT, YOU MEAN LESS TO THEM THAN WHATEVER THEY ARE DOING DOES. #truthbat. And if you mean less to them, they don’t deserve you. Simple as.
So, my dears, there are other signs, other #truthbats that I can go on and on about, but these are the biggies. Instead of trying to take the relationship/the man/etc back, START BY TAKING YOURSELF BACK. Let me give you my own little #truthbat about me that I encourage you to take on for yourself: I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS THAN WITH SOMEONE FOR THE WRONG ONES. #truthbat Relationships may come and go, but you NEED to remain you. DO NOT give someone else the power to change or destroy who you are.
Which brings me to my little change. My little standing up for myself and swinging the #truthbat like a mutha FOR MYSELF.
STALKING IS JUST NOT SEXY. #truthbat For realz. When you get to the point where you are SCARING someone, you need to back the truck up and GET SOME HELP. Trust me, my ass is a pro at stalkers now. (If you doubt me you can read :I’m Like A Cat, Only With Stalkers Instead of Lives Sadly this one needs to be updated because I’ve surpassed the freakin cats.)
Stalkers come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes you don’t even know them, sometimes it’s someone who just can’t let go and sometimes it’s someone who has an issue with someone close to you and you get stuck in the crossfire. I’ve seen them all at this point.
What started the other night as an anonymous email from some coward regarding someone close to me in my life escalated to the point where they hunted down my HOME phone number and called me. Of course they lacked the balls to stay on the line and actually talk to me after they said what they felt they needed to. I did nothing to bring this on myself, nothing to taunt this person, nothing to DESERVE anything that went down that night. And I do many ANYTHING. There is so much epically wrong with all of it. The psycho had clearly been watching me and playing very close attention to me. I do hope she still is. In fact, I hope anyone that is presently stalking or thinking about stalking me (again.. I’m also in the totally not worth it category) is paying a little bit of attention. Please note, if you have to ask yourself “is she talking about me?” Yeah, I probably am. I AM FUCKING DONE. #truthbat There is no more nice gal, there is no more first instinct of fear on my part. I may honestly be a really nice person, but we all have our breaking points and mine has far been reached. When attacked on any level, I will no longer take a step back and say “woah, what’s wrong?” Instead, I’m stepping to you and saying “WHAT? What is it that you want?” No matter how many moments I have flinched, I’ve never been a coward. I will look someone in the eyes and say what I need to say when I need to say it. If there is shit on my mind, it eventually comes out. Out of MY mouth. Not some pathetic anonymous email or blocked private call. I am the first to admit that I am flawed. I’m nothing super special. My anthem has always been “I am just Natali” or “I’m just me.” And LilMissStalkerChick(at)GeeImCrazy.com YOU WILL NEVER BE ME. #truthbat
You seem to think you have gotten what you wanted. But, have you really?? If you would have stayed on after you said “I win.” You would have heard me laugh and say “If you think so.” Please do feel free to call back and have the sac to stay on the line.
Like everyone else that continues to ignore the truth… your lights are on, but no one’s home. Of course in your case, you haven’t been home for quite awhile now.
Too busy out trying to look in my window.
And when you can finally see in… I’ve got a lil message for you…
