My Furiously Happy
I don’t say it much, but I frequently feel like I’m failing- as a person, as a friend, as a mom, you name it. I feel like I’m flailing my way through life trying to be the best I can be, but the little voice in my head says it’s just not enough. We all have that voice to some extent. Sometimes I feel like I’m failing as all of them at once.
Before I sink too deep in that feeling where I almost can’t breathe, life throws me a line. Last night, before her bath, eldest was (and someday she’ll find out I documented this and probably smack me, but it was such a beautiful moment that I’ll gladly take the hit) dancing in front of the mirror. Wiggling her booty, checking out all her bits and parts while singing “naked baby, naked baby” like they both did frequently during bath time when they were wee little ones. It wasn’t some inappropriate dance of an older woman. It wasn’t the self conscious dance of a tween. It was just pure childlike joy of being naked, alive, and free. I totally cried. She didn’t see me, but I did. I worry so much about them growing too fast or having their own voices in their heads filled with doubt.
This morning, before school, Lilest brought up the coveted Wax Museum. Like her sister, she has begun to prep more than a year in advance. Her first thought was to be Anne Frank, too. It took a bit for me to explain to her that she couldn’t. That was Eldest’s thing. It still is and it is deeply personal for her. We then began to talk about other options. I asked her what kind of person she wanted to be. She said “a strong woman that stood up and made a difference.” She followed it up with “I don’t want to be some random famous person. Like a model. I don’t understand why someone would want to be known only for walking a straight line and looking pretty. What kind of life is that? Where is the substance?”
I know I tried to sell you this morning, Lilest, but thank you. 🙂  Thank you girls and thank you universe for reminding me that I’m not fucking things up too badly. 🙂 HUGE thank you to Jenny Lawson for reminding me to go forth and be Furiously Happy.
Get some Furiously Happy here now.Â