“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart.” ~Author Unknown

So, at the time of writing this, I wasn’t sure I was going to even post it. I was trying to work some thoughts out. Still trying to really. Now that I’m posting it, I’m not sure I’m going to link it. I’m not sure of a lot right now. But, it’s part of who I am, it’s part of my process. It’s not witty, it’s not funny, it’s pretty much just kind of raw me. While I am usually always smiling, typically optimistic (at times to a fault) and seek out the lesson in everything… this time I don’t know what I am.

If you’ve been reading, you know that I recently did some Spring Cleaning. Sweeping out some bad to give the good more room to breathe. In reality, it was a hard thing for me to do. By nature I see the good in people. Once I care, I have a hard time walking away. Setting boundaries are sometimes hard enough for me. Even when a relationship, of any kind, swings off balance, when I care, I will take it and take it hoping it will eventually swing back to where it was. I don’t like to give up on people. This gets infinitely stronger the closer I’ve gotten to them and the closer I’ve allowed them to get to me.

I saved the hardest for last. One that had gotten off balance, but I knew at its core was good. When I ran back through the last year the positives clearly outweighed the negatives, there was a unique bond and yes there was love there. That while it may need repair, it was a keeper.

So I laid it at their feet. Which was scary, but I had faith. Faith in them. Faith in me. Faith in us.

I have listed all the things I knew in a recent post about my Spring Cleaning. The truths I had walked away from the lesson with. Bit it would seem the lesson isn’t finished.

Yes they had gotten my email.

Yes they had already started to respond.

Yes they wanted to talk.

Yet it remains at their feet.

A part of me does too in a way.

And now they have gone completely silent.

And instead of I knows, I am left with I don’t knows.

Question after unanswered question.

Why haven’t they responded? Are they scared to? Or do they just not even care? Do I matter? Did I ever really matter? Why say you love someone and then 48 hours later…? Do I just walk away? Do they wish I would? What happened? What did I do? What do I do?

Question after unanswered question.

And a lesson I am not yet sure of. Or maybe it’s right there but, feeling unworthy of even a response, tears have blurred my vision.

Whoever said silence was golden was sorely mistaken.

Silence hurts.

Silence can break your heart.